Glass Houses and Stone Envelopes
by sassyc
Summary: It had to be slow motion...there was absolutely no other way Spencer could describe the molasses-like travel of arousal that journeyed from her veins to her core, producing an intolerable amount of wetness between her trembling thighs.
1. The Cards Were Dealt—Let’s Reshuffle

_**A/N: I'm so sorry that updates have been…well, lacking. Life has not been going so well, and therefore had a verrrryyyy long gap between updates. I'm back, however, but I don't wanna say what the update schedule is going to be. Once a week would be my goal, but depending on reviews, who likes the story, and so forth, updating more often might be a possibility. Also, if the title seems the same, it's because it is. I'm keeping the title, but changing the story completely. New characters, new concept**__**—**__**all that good stuff. So, SINCERE APOLOGIES to those who liked the other fanfic…I grew out of that one, plus this story's a helluva lot better…guarantee it!! So…without further ado…here goes my next attempt at a fanfic… :)**_

_**Disclaimer: I own not a damn thing!! Ya digg me?? Well, except my concept of the beloved characters of SON… :)**_

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Cards Were Dealt****—****Let's Reshuffle**

When Ashley Davies was fourteen, her mother told her that everyone had a destiny.

Christine Davies—a woman with the parenting abilities of Brittany Spears and more money than she knew what to do with—told her daughter in slurred, intoxicated words that everybody had a destiny. She spoke nothing of God's will or any religious stuff like that, and threw up right after she said it. But, she didn't remember the words because they were good advice or great words of wisdom, anyway.

Nope.

Her words will always be etched in the brunette's mind because it was one of the very few times her mother had spoken to her, and the only time she had agreed with what was said. Of course she didn't have the same opinion at first but in the twenty-five years of her existence, she concluded that, yes, everybody on earth had a destiny.

Every. _Single_. Person.

It was not always so clear-cut, because Ashley's journey sure as hell wasn't. No way in her still young age, did she consider herself an expert either. Considering her travel down the road of life, however, she never, in a million years, thought that she would be where she was. Therefore, in explanation of the road she had traveled, she placed the blame on _destiny_. Everyone had to believe in something, right?

"I think that's everything, Ash," said a voice from behind her.

She glanced over to Nate—a tall, lanky, copper skinned man, formerly known as her roommate—as he entered the now empty bedroom. His deep voice echoed off the bare burgundy walls as she inhaled a breath of air.

"Yeah," she said quietly as the air escaped her lips, "I guess it is."

Ashley looked around the room once more. It didn't seem to look the same as it once had. The bed, stripped of the earth tone linens, seemed bare without the millions of pillows the brunette owned. The walls, without the many picture frames filled with past memories, looked almost lonely. The closet, to her left was wiped clean of the clothes the inbred singer bought. Dressers to the right of the door were empty, the windows, hidden by blinds, were closed off to the morning sun, and her guitar, which normally sat to the left of her bed, was packed away and placed gently on the front seat of her newly purchased Trailblazer.

It was true that all her belongings filled most of her vehicle and the stuff she couldn't fit, she gave to her former roommates—it wasn't like she _needed _it, and with the money inherited after her father's death, she needn't worry about petty things like that. There were more important issues at hand.

"Are you leavin' now?" Nate asked, interrupting Ashley's thoughts. Her voice sounded distant, perhaps sad, but she knew he understood her reasoning.

"Yea," she answered after a moment, "are Mike and Jazz still gone?"

"Uh huh," Nate responded and she nodded in disappointment. "They told me to tell you bye…and good luck."

Ashley nodded once again, facing the copper-skinned man, and motioned for a hug. Nate took the hint, slowly filled the distance between them, and wrapped his arms gently around the smaller woman. Ashley wrapped her hands around him leaning into the hug, resting her head on his chest.

At the same time, Nate breathed deeply, cursing himself for allowing his eyes to fill with tears.

"You know I love you, right?" He whispered deeply, words laced with heartache. He knew the circumstances, however, and as he awaited Ashley's inevitable answer, he also knew that the words she muttered would not mean the same.

"I love you, too." He was right. The words were said in the friendliest of ways, but he also knew she meant every word.

He held her for a moment longer before pulling out of the hug. Once they faced each other, he noted the tear stained cheeks of the brunette and raised his hand to wipe away the tears. Heartache was inevitable in her eyes as well, but it was not caused by him, he knew. Her heartache lived thousands of miles away on the west coast.

"So I guess this is good-bye?" he asked quietly, knowing the answer.

"Not good-bye—see you later." She smiled a small smile, grateful at the fact he used a line from one of their favorite movies. It lightened the mood, but also finalized that it wasn't the last time they would see each other. "I should get going if I wanna hit the road before all the traffic starts to get crazy."

He chuckled, deep voice ringing through the room. "This is New York, the traffic is always crazy."

"You're right, so that means I should probably go." She made her way toward the door and stopped when she realized she wasn't being followed. "You're staying up here?"

"Yea," he said, placing his hands in his jean pockets, "I just wanna think through some things."

Ashley nodded in understanding. She turned around and left down the stairs. Nate watched with the exploding urge to chase after her and talk her into staying. He remained stationary, however, and instead of going after her, settled with walking towards the windows. He opened the blinds and a moment later, saw her emerge from the door beneath him.

He saw her as she glanced around for one last look of the apartment and suddenly, a memory flooded his mind.

* * *

"_Ash, it's not all that bad," Aiden's voice encouraged through the phone as Ashley walked anxiously down the busy sidewalk of New York City. _

"_Aiden, are you hearing yourself?" She replied in frustration, "I'm graduating in two weeks and still don't have a place to stay yet. None of the apartments that I've looked at suit me. Plus, I really don't wanna stay by myself."_

"_Well, you could always move back to L.A.," he offered, a little too quickly for her liking. _

"_No," she answered automatically. _

"_Why?" he pressed, "I would love it, Spen-I mean, uh…Kyla would love to see you."_

_She hesitated for a moment, knowing painfully well the name he was going to speak. She felt her heart race faster as she caught the code, and although he replaced Spencer's name with Kyla's, she knew he meant her. The fact she was still thinking of the brunette made her weak for a split second. _

_Well, she liked to tell myself it was a split second._

_But she was in her past, and visiting her past was something she did not want to do…at the time._

"_Aiden," she said quietly, "I can't come to L.A"_

"_Can't or won't?" He challenged. _

_Ashley became silent as she repeated the question in her mind. She knew that he was aware of the answer before the question was asked. And she also knew that her growing silence only confirmed his suspicions._

"_Why do you keep running away from what you care about most?" He was impatient, and from the sound of his voice, she could tell he wanted an answer__—__so she gave him one._

"_Look…I'm not running__—__I'm living. And right now, I need to find a place to live before I'm _living_ out on the streets." _

_It was an answer. Not one he wanted, but the only one she was willing to give._

"_Alright," He relented, disappointedly. "Well…I'm sure you'll figure something out." _

"_Thanks for your help, Aiden," She said flatly. "I really appreciate it." _

"_Well, what am I supposed to do? You have millions of dollars and can't find an apartment to live in? Hell, Ashley, build yourself an apartment if it's that bad."_

"_I don't wanna build an apartment, Aid," She said annoyed by the conversation, "I__—__what is that?" Ashley stopped, sidetracked by the voice she heard. Whoever it was, was singing and very well at that matter. _

"_Ash?" She heard Aiden say through the phone receiver. _

_"And if I e-ver fall, in looove a-gain. I will be sure that the la-dy is a FRIEND—"_

_Ashley paused for a second looking around for the voice. Rounding the corner, she soon saw that it was a copper skinned man, lanky in appearance, but still withholding a noticeable attraction. He was dressed in Southpole blue jeans and a wife beater; short hair cut into a fade, and wore a cleanly shaven goatee on his face. He sat on the steps of an apartment building, and as the brunette approached him, she noted the confident way of which he carried himself__—__before she even spoke to him._

"_Aiden, I'm gonna call you back," Ashley said as she closed her phone and put it in her purse. _

_"—I will be sure that the la-dy's just, like you."_

"_Excuse me," She began, tapping him on the shoulder. He removed one of the earpieces from his ear and turned off the iPod that he held in his hands. "I was just passing by and heard you singing. I, uh, well yea…you're really good." _

_He looked at the woman with kind, hazel eyes, and smiled. _

"_Thanks. The name's Nathan, by the way. Nathan Thomas." He offered his hand and Ashley gladly accepted as they shook with one another. _

"_I'm__—__" She started, but found herself surprised as he cut her off and continued the sentence._

"_I know who you are__—__you're Ashley Davies." He said matter-of-factly._

"_Wait, how did you know my name?" She asked suspiciously. He chuckled. Ashley Davies, however, didn't find the question funny._

"_Don't trip__—__I'm not some kind of weird stalker or nuthin' like that. Naw, I heard you singin' at that one club a couple times__—__what is it? 702? You're a damn good singer, too. One of the only reasons I go back to that place actually."_

"_Thanks," She said with a smile. "I don't remember seeing you there, though."_

"_Oh, I neva' sang. Just went ta see tha talent. Not that there was much, but it's a club." Ashley laughed. "So, what brings you around here?" He asked ._

"_Well, I was actually trying to find an apartment for rent, but none of the places I've looked at so far are anything near what I want."_

"_Really? You're looking for a place?"_

"_Yea__—__see I graduate from Juilliard in two weeks and I'm trying to find a place that's affordable and homey, but nothing seems…right."_

"_Juilliard, huh? Good ass school, 'specially for music. What's yo major?"_

"_Piano, but I sing, too. But I guess you know that."_

"_Like Alicia Keys?" _

"_Yea, like her. She's actually one of my inspirations." The brunette admitted. _

_He nodded and said nothing else. They fell into a comfortable silence, however, and for the first time Ashley realized that she was talking to a person she barely knew. Still, he was probably the realest person she'd met since her stay in New York and she'd only known him for about ten minutes._

"_You wanna sit down?" He asked after a moment._

"_Sure." He adjusted himself on the cement stairs, making room for Ashley, before leaning back against the porch step._

"_Where you from?" He asked as he removed his other earpiece and raveled the cord around the iPod._

"_I used to live in L.A., born and raised."_

"_Fo' real? What made you wanna come out here?" _

_Ashley paused a second before answering. For some reason, she trusted him. Still, he _was _a stranger._

"_Destiny," she answered, settling for being vague. "I know it sounds cliché__—__like some cheap Hollywood love story gone wrong__—__but I've come to believe I was meant to be here."_

_Nathan nodded, sensing a hidden sadness deep within the blonde. He said nothing, however and let the comfortable silence envelop them once more. It was a few more minutes before Ashley decided to end the silence with a question of her own. _

"_Are you from New York?" He leaned forward, arms bent as he rested his elbows on the tops of his knees, before responding._

"_Naw, I'm from Wisconsin, lived there since I was three__—__at least from what my Moms tell me. I lived in Milwaukee most my life, and then went to Racine. Couldn't afford to live in any good houses tho', so yea, I guess you could say I lived in tha hood." _

"_So you decided to come to New York?" Ashley asked, genuinely interested. _

"_Somethin' like that. I was tha oldest of my brothas__—__Moms had three boys__—__and I always told myself that I was gonna be somethin'. She was a good mom__—__always came through when it seemed like we had nothin'__—__so I wanted to do it for her. I worked my ass off during high school, worked at a couple jobs, and went to school at Marquette University on a full academic scholarship__—__lucky for me. I don't know what I woulda done if I had to pay for it myself. But yea, I graduated last year and wit' tha money I saved, I moved out here." He finished, leaning back once more against the porch step. _

"_But…why New York?" Ashley questioned. "Out of all the places in the world, why did you choose New York?"_

_He looked at her for a second and smiled. For the first time, she noted the deep dimples in his cheeks. _

"_Destiny," he said. _

_She smiled as silence encircled them once again, comfortable and relaxing. It was a moment before either spoke again and this time it was he who interrupted it._

"_So," he began, "you said you're lookin' fo' a place to stay, right?" She looked at him and nodded. "Well, you can come stay wit' us. We were thinkin' bout renting anyway. There's an extra bedroom and you can have a look around if you want."_

"_I'd like that…but, who's 'we'?"_

"_Oh, my boy Mike and this chick named Jazz. I met them when I moved out here and they let me live wit' 'em. They're pretty cool people." Ashley nodded and said nothing else._

_He stood up, Ashley following his actions. Before entering the apartment, he asked one last question._

"_Are you free tonight?"_

_Ashley looked him in the eye, sensing his attraction toward her. She felt an irrational guilt for what she was going to say, but figured she might as well put the cards on the table._

"_Actually, I'm not into guys like that__—__I'm gay." She waited to see disappointment cloud his eyes, and for a fraction of a second she thought she had. It would be a lie to say he wasn't disappointed, but he played it cool, expressing faux confusion rather than dissatisfaction. _

"_Naw, I meant are you free to hang wit' us tonight__—__me, Mike, Jazz, a few others. We're gonna hit up 702. Do you wanna join us?"_

_She thought for a moment before answering. It was Saturday after all, most of her assignments were finished, and if she liked the apartment, then she would have to get to know the other two anyway. _

"_Yea," she said finally, "sounds like a plan." _

"_A'ight, cool__—__come check out the apartment." He stepped into the screen door, Ashley following behind, wondering that perhaps her luck was changing for the better. Nathan, on the other hand, thinking, 'I hope this isn't a mistake.'_

* * *

Nate smiled at the memory, thinking that living with Ashley Davies was both a blessing and a curse. He knew it wasn't a mistake. She was probably one of the few real friends he ever had, not counting Mike and Jazz, and as he thought about it, the only best friend that he's had since he was a kid. He loved Mike and Jazz just as well, but in the five years he's lived with Ashley, he knew that she would be the only woman to ever touch his heart in the way that she had. _'She is special,' _he thought, and as he watched Ashley enter her Trailblazer, he knew that someone, some woman, on the other side of the United States held the key to the heart of the only woman he ever truly loved.

It was destiny, he knew, and he couldn't do a damn thing about it.


	2. Road Trip—Ready Set GO!

_**Chapter 2: Road Trip…Ready. Set. GO!**_

Ashley had never been on a road trip.

Ever.

Not on the countless times her rock star father had tour dates that spanned from Detroit, Michigan to some random west coast city, nor during the numerous times her mother had left with her boyfriend of the week, leaving Ashley to the care of Nana Davies. Not one time did she experience the freedom of a road trip, the aches of driving most of the day only to stay in the most _roach-iest_ of roach motels, or the pain of deciding what drive-thru restaurant to eat from. Of course, Ashley was wealthy enough to stay in five star hotels and dine in the most superb restaurants money could buy. In fact, she really didn't have to drive—an airplane would have taken her to her destination in a matter of hours, without the hassle of impatient traffic, never ending stop lights, and a bundle of bad drivers.

But Ashley also had never spent time alone to think. Not with the three years it took to complete her Diploma at Juilliard, nor with the five years she had lived in an apartment with Nathan, Mike, and Jazz. Of course, at one point in time, she wanted to be with people at all times. It brought her mind from the past and allowed her to focus on the present. At this point in time, however, she wanted to dwell on the past, if only for a few days, and a plane ride wouldn't allow her that luxury.

When it came down to it, Ashley figured that this was as good a time as any. Still, although money was no object, she felt no need to irrationally spend money just because she had it. She was not in any way cheap—she did just purchase a new Trailblazer—but she saw what loving money too much did to her mother, and it would be a cold day in hell before Ashley turned to money for an answer. Money couldn't buy happiness, she knew all too well.

Nevertheless, when it came to roaches, she thought she could manage a five star hotel or two.

The brunette looked at the GPS system as she made her way toward New Jersey. She had been driving for a good twenty minutes, noting that it was almost a quarter to nine. She considered stopping for breakfast at a near-by McDonald's, opting to just have brunch instead. She wasn't hungry, despite having last eaten the night before.

Breakfast that morning would have been far too…_'Uneasy,' _Ashley thought. The distress that Nathan must've felt was far too similar to what Ashley went through eight years ago. She felt horrible, but he knew the situation. The cards that had once been placed on Ashley's table were reshuffled as she entered the next phase in her life, the phase that involved him. Ashley knew that she could love him no more than she loved Aiden or Kyla, and as much as it hurt to see him like that, she couldn't give herself to Nathan in the ways he wished. Nate had been a gentleman through it all, and although he knew that Ashley's heart belonged to another, he loved her all the same.

* * *

It was nearly eleven before Ashley decided to take an exit to the nearest restaurant in Harrisburg. She decided to dine at a little place called _Earl's_. It seemed to be in good working order as she pulled into the parking lot and something other than the typical fast food restaurants was a breath of fresh air to the brunette.

She entered the small dive with the expectation of entering a truck stop, but as she looked around, she knew she was very wrong. It had a bed and breakfast feel to it, cozy, and home-like. The lights were dimly lit, and earth tone patterned curtains shaded the windows. There was a bar to the right of her and booths lined the wall to the left. Four square tables sat in the middle of the room, and four chairs surrounded the tables. Most of the seats were taken and as she looked at the people, she noticed that many of them looked like they've been coming to the place for years. And as the old man behind the bar questioned her as he wiped the bar counter, she knew she was right.

"You new to town?" His voice was gruff, but strangely friendly. The man was about five foot ten and stocky, and wore a dingy white tee shirt with an apron around his waist. The top of his head was bald, but gray hair showed above his ears, and his eyes were a gentle blue.

"Yea," she answered, walking towards the bar and taking a seat. "I've been driving for a few hours and needed to take a break. I saw this place and wondered, 'Why not.'"

He nodded and placed a glass of ice water in front of her. "Where're you coming from?"

"New York," she responded, taking a sip of her ice water.

"Ah," he said, leaning on the counter, "the Big Apple."

"Yup."

"Ma' name's Earl, by the way," he said placing the towel on his shoulder and offering his hand.

"Ashley," she said as they greeted. "So you own this Diner?"

"I do now. It was actually ma' Pops' diner. When he got to old to work, he passed it down to me."

Ashley nodded. "It's a nice place—cozy. It makes you feel at home."

"Thanks. So what would ya like to eat?"

"What do you recommend?"

"Hmm…well, the steak burger has always been a favorite of the regulars, but my favorite would have to be the Paul Bunyon burger."

"And what's that?"

"Well it's a quarter pound of meat with a couple slices of bacon, onions, and whatever condiment you like between two buttered toasted slices of sourdough bread."

"Mmm…sounds great. I'll take that, with an order of fries."

"Anything to drink?"

"No, water'll do. Thanks." He wrote down the order and placed it in the window for the cook.

"It'll be a few moments—all of our food is freshly cooked."

"It's fine."

The two created small talk, speaking of a range of topics ranging from the weather to Earl's son, who would soon be taking over the diner. Ten minutes had passed before Ashley had eaten her food, which she enjoyed immensely. In fact, when she questioned about the seasoning of the burger, Earl had told her it was a secret recipe, but he would be willing to part on it if she kept it a secret. She agreed with a smile, and a few moments later, recipe placed securely in her purse, the two had eased into normal conversation.

"Can I ask you something?" Earl asked, leaning back on the counter. Ashley looked at Earl, meeting his gentle gaze with confusion of her own.

"Uh, sure."

"What are you running from?"

"What?" Ashley asked, confused.

"I mean, why are you, a beautiful young woman, traveling by yourself. You must be running from something. Believe me when I say I've been around long enough to sense when something's wrong. You can't be any older than twenty six, but I see pain in your eyes where there should be life, excitement." He paused for a second before asking again, tone still gentle. "What are you running from?"

Ashley looked away from his gaze. He was right. She was sad. She had been sad for the a little more than sixteen years. Most of the time she hid her pain, but in the last few years, she couldn't do it anymore. She was done hiding. And although she smiled and laughed as regularly as she could, it was a mere mask. She knew it, others knew it, but seldom was she questioned about it.

But he was wrong about one thing.

She looked back at him and exhaled a breath she didn't know she held. She was, once again, met with the same blue eyes; eyes that only reminded her of the purpose she was going back home in the first place.

"I'm not running from anything," she said finally. "I'm running to."


	3. Running No More

**_A__/N:_** _**Hey! Here goes the next chapter...it's slowly moving along, but I feel that this story will be much better than the other one I attempted. Like I said before, same concept...with the bakery and all...but different ideas..better ideas...oh yea...if the summary seems familiar, it's because I stole a chapter already written from the previous version. I liked it to much to trash it...lol  
**_

_**Read and review...please...they boost my want to write more...although I'd probably write it anyway...lol..**_

_**Constructive criticism helps...and as I said with my other attempt at a story..the intros the hardest...so once I get the beginning out of the way..it'll be all good..ya digg!! Thanks for reading!! oh..sorry for grammatical errors and whatnot..  
**_

_**Disclaimer: I own not a damn thing...except my ideas and random characters..**_

* * *

_**Chapter 3: Running No More**_

"_I'm not running from anything," she said finally. "I'm running to."_

It was close to noon before Ashley decided to head out. She thanked Earl for the recipe once again, promising to keep it a secret, paid for the meal, and left. The conversation had ended at Ashley's statement, Earl realizing he shouldn't press her for information.

The beaming summer sun was perched at its highest point in the sky as the brunette entered her Trailblazer. She heard the distant chirp-chirp of birds above her, almost drowned out by vehicles zooming by on the interstate.

She rested her head back against the seat, exhaling a deep breath. After a moment, she reached for her purse looking through its contents, and a second later, found the folded up photo she was looking for.

Ashley unfolded it and smiled. The picture was rounded around the edges and sported a tear on the upper left hand side.

"I'm not running away anymore…" she whispered softly. "I'm running to you, Spence."

* * *

_December 31, 1999_

_The evening sun, partially hidden behind puffy gray clouds, did nothing to warm the strangely chilly day in Los Angeles. In fact, the weatherman was just as shocked to say that the temperature would drop to low thirties before the night was over and to be prepared for possible snow. _

Snow_? The residents of L.A. highly doubted it. It had been years before Los Angeles had seen snow__—__many had never seen it at all. So the concept of snow was just as new to them as saying Antarctica would be experiencing a heat wave. _

_It was just unheard of._

_So as Ashley Davies and Spencer Carlin got ready for "Aiden's New Year's Eve get-together" that night, daydreams about the speculated snowfall was scarce for most…_

_Well, most except for a few hopeful Midwest natives, namely Spencer Carlin._

_And as the two best friends relaxed in the domain of Spencer's bedroom, basking in the calm before the party, Ashley listened to her best friend's hopeful rant. _

"_It is so beautiful, Ash," Spencer gushed as she lied on her bed, head propped up on her left hand, as she faced Ashley. "Especially when it covers the grass looking almost like a white blanket, and you look around and see tree branches covered in snow and wonder why they don't snap…" _

_Ashley smiled at the animation of Spencer's face, noting that her eyes seemed to sparkle with anticipation as she spoke. _

"_Sometimes, I would run outside in just my PJs and doggy slippers and hold my hand out just to catch one of the snowflakes. I would get in so much trouble, though. My mom would come outside, mad as hell, and almost carry me in the house." Spencer smiled at the memory as she continued. "I would get lectured for, like three hours by her, always about the same thing. 'Spencer," she mocked, face scrunched up, making her voice sound like her mother, "'you can get pneumonia running outside like that, what's wrong with you!'" _

_Ashley laughed heartily as the image of a five-year-old Spencer, clad in Hello Kitty pajamas and doggy slippers, entered her mind. After a few moments, the laughter died down, both allowing silence to fill the room. Ashley played with Spencer's blanket, drawing random shapes and patterns on the top of it, while Spencer, lost in her own thoughts, lied her head on the bed. _

_Ashley wished she had always known Spencer. It was true that they had been friends for the majority of their lives, but she wished she had been there for the first five years of her life as well. She wished she had seen every fall, been apart of every happy moment, and been there to cry along with every sad moment also._

"_Do you miss it?" Ashley asked, after a moment, bringing Spencer out of her daze. _

"_Yea, I do. Sometimes I wish more than anything that I could go back to those days. You know, like, relive them somehow. And I guess my favorite thing from all that was the days when my dad would go on this baking frenzy and he made like _every _dessert you can think of. Cookies, cakes, donuts…he loved to bake, and I would always help him. I guess that's where I get it from now."_

_Ashley nodded, smiling once more. Spencer turned to face Ashley, unconsciously getting closer, as she spoke. She lightly reached for the brunette's hand and began tracing the curved lines on her palm. _

_Ashley's heart raced at the gesture, body tingling from the touch. After a moment, Ashley's brown eyes were met with sparkling blue ones, but the unfamiliar intensity behind her eyes scared Ashley._

"_But…" Spencer began, voice hushed as if being too loud might break the moment, "if someone had told me that I had the chance to go back and relive some of the happiest days of my life, I wouldn't even have to think about it__—__I would tell them no because you wouldn't be there with me. And as much as those moments meant to me, those years of happiness could never measure up to just one day with you."_

_Spencer had ended with a small smile and Ashley felt her heart thump a little faster. _

_This wasn't like Spencer. The Spencer she knew never spoke like that. The Spencer she knew had a boyfriend. The Spencer she knew was straight. _

_Sure she expressed purely platonic love for the girl__—__they were best friends__—__but her words were different, her voice was different, and the look in the blonde's eyes? Definitely different. _

_Spencer was inching into unfamiliar territory, and as much as Ashley wanted to, she couldn't take her there. _

_Ashley had been out for almost two years. Of course, her mom was in denial, claiming it to be a phase, and her Grandmother__—__well, she said that Ashley was too young to like anybody. And her father was never around to care one way or the other. Being gay in the nineties was something that not many people wanted to face. But to the Davies, it just wasn't possible._

_And the Carlins? They didn't know. Arthur could care less, but not because he was uncaring__—__he figured that he didn't have the right to judge__—__people loved who they loved, right? Paula would've probably had a heart attack, and no way did Ashley want to be held responsible for any death, especially the mother of her best friend. Clay, Ashley figured, would've been cool about the whole thing, while Glen would've had the same reaction as his sanctified mother. Perhaps worse. _

_No, Ashley thought. There was no way she could let Spencer dip into foreign waters, washed of all of the morals she was raised on, cleansed of all the innocence that was Spencer Carlin. _

_It just couldn't happen._

"_I think we should go," Ashley muttered as she took her hand away from Spencer's and stood up. _

_Spencer, slightly surprised at the brunette's actions, rose from the bed as well, muttered an, "Okay," and walked out the door. _

_She was just as confused as Ashley, if not more, and embarrassed to say the least, although she had no idea why. Her and Ashley spoke about everything, and what she said wasn't out of line, right? They were best friends, inseparable. They told each other on more than one occasion that they loved each other and it wasn't uncommon between friends. It really wasn't. _

_So why did it feel different__—__why did _she_ feel different? Why did her heart beat so fast and loud that she was surprised Ashley didn't hear it? And what she felt, the…what were they, tingles? _

_It scared Spencer, to say the least. _

_But she wasn't going to worry about it tonight. It was New Year's Eve, and they had a party to go to. Her boyfriend was going to be there, her best friend was going to be there as well as a few other good friends, and she was going to bring in the New Year as she always had. _

_As Ashley's best friend__—__her straight best friend. _

* * *

_The ride to Aiden's house was just as chatty as always__—__the tension from the room being swept under a rug, neither wanting to acknowledge what happened. Ashley, a year older than Spencer, drove her silver BMW__—__courtesy of her estranged father__—__and arrived twenty minutes later in the driveway of a fairly large two-story brick house accompanied by a fairly large yard. To the left of the house sat a two-car garage. _

_Immediately, Spencer spotted Aiden in front of the garage, barbeque tongs in hand as he monitored the grill. He appeared to be relaxed, dressed in jeans and a white shirt. His black hair was perfectly unkempt, but always seemed to suit his laid back demeanor._

"_Ay girls," Aiden said while flipping a burger, "Spence, Mike's in the house." _

"_Thanks, Aid…I'll be right back, Ash." Spencer said before going inside to greet her boyfriend._

_Ashley sighed deeply, mumbled a, "Yeah," and leaned against the brick of the garage. "I really hate him."_

_Aiden looked up for a second, noting her troubled appearance, and smiled._

"_That's cute," Aiden said after a moment, placing the tongs on the tray to his left, before closing the mouth of the grill. _

"_What is?" Ashley muttered._

"_You and Spencer." Ashley looked at him, confused, and possibly shocked. "I'm not stupid, Ash."_

"_There is no _me _and_ Spencer_," Ashley said dismissively, "We're just friends."_

"_Yeah, okay…and Ellen Degeneres is engaged to Michael Jackson."_

"_Shut up!" Ashley chuckled, punching Aiden in the arm. He winced. "We're _just _friends. That's it."_

_Aiden said nothing else and went back to the grill, while Ashley became engaged in her own thoughts._

_Above them, the clouds seemed to have increased, becoming puffier and grayer, as the sky darkened__—__a result of the setting sun. The air, although not much cooler than before, was crisp, and much chiller than was used to._

_After a minute or two, Ashley brought her attention back to Aiden and noticed a small smile playing on his lips._

"_Why are you smiling?"_

"_Wha__—__me?" He shook his head in faux surprise. "I wasn't smiling." _

_Ashley chuckled. "Yeah, you were…and still are. Why are you smiling?"_

"_You."_

"_Me? Why are you always on the subject of 'me'." _

"_Because you are so in love that you don't even know it. And it's obvious to just about everybody but _you_. Well, you and Spencer."_

_Ashley felt heat rise to her cheeks. Aiden had spoken the words, the very words she was afraid to say. The tingles, rapid heartbeats, sweaty palms__—__they were all symptoms of her secret illness. _

_One that she was too afraid to voice. _

_One that Spencer could never know of._

"_Don't tell her, okay? She can't know."_

_Aiden shook his head. "I wouldn't do that to you, Ash."_

"_How long have you known?" she asked as he placed the finished meat patties on a tray._

"_I've always known. As long as we've been friends."_

"_Really? How did you know when I didn't?"_

_He laughed. "I guess you see more when you're on the outside lookin' in."_

_Ashley nodded, looking away for a second as she placed her hands in the pockets of her black fleece hoodie. It was becoming colder by the second and the sky was dark, signs of previous sun diminished by the heavy clouds._

_A few minutes later, Mike emerged from the house, left arm draped around Spencer's waist, as he set a pan of Beef Franks on the table for Aiden. Mike was a few inches taller than the blonde and well-built. The gray wrestling hoodie he wore covered a black undershirt and his jeans were ripped at the knees. His short dark brown hair had its usual tousled appearance, but in a stylish way. He was handsome, to say the least, even Ashley could agree to that, and his eyes, a light green, mesmerized just about any female he spoke to._

_The couple looked like they had just stepped out of a magazine, making Ashley unjustifiably hating him even more. _

"_Hey man, these are the last of 'em before the others get here." Aiden nodded._

"_Thanks, I'm gonna put these in the house so they don't get cold__—__watch the grill for me."_

_Mike took Aiden's previous position in front of the grill, placing the Beef Franks on it before closing the lid._

"_Hey Ashley." He said politely. He wasn't that bad in all honesty__—__polite, considerate, a gentleman. If she wasn't blinded by the love she already had for the blonde, she probably would've accepted him._

_Probably._

"_Hey," the brunette mumbled back. _

"_You ready to party?" _

"_Yeah," she answered, a hint of sarcasm in her voice, "let's rock!" _

* * *

_It was nearly seven thirty before the guests started to arrive. Clay was among the first as he arrived hand-in-hand with his beauty, Chelsea Daniels. Next were a few of Aiden's cousins and Ashley's half sister Kyla. Glen and Madison didn't arrive until close to nine, and by that time the small get-together was in full swing. _

"…And we gonna party like it's 19-"

"_Hold up__—__it is!" Everyone sang out to the tune of Will Smith's "W 2K"._

_Around eleven forty-five and a few charade games later, the speakers of Aiden's boom box beat heavily with the beats of Will Smith's CD "Willenium" while the King High teenagers danced amongst each other, sometimes loudly singing along. Jokes were told, laughter rang through the windows, and on a staircase not too far away from the party, but secluded enough where two young teens could be alone, Ashley and Spencer sat, reveling in each others presence for the first time that night._

"_You havin' fun, Ash?" Spencer asked her best friend, as she leaned against the stair rail. _

"_Yeah, strangely enough, I am," the brunette answered with a crooked smile. "Are you?"_

"_Yup…" _

"_Where's Mike?" Ashley asked indifferently. _

_Spencer didn't miss the somewhat apathetic tone, but decided not to comment on it. _

"_He's playing poker with the guys."_

"_Oh…" _

_Ashley looked away for a moment, not really knowing what to say to that, as Spencer pretended to be interested in her finger nails. _

"_You don't like him," Spencer said after a moment. It wasn't a question, Ashley noticed__—__her voice had every sign of an accusation._

"_Not too much, no." Why not be honest?_

"_Why not?" _

_Ashley faced Spencer, sapphire eyes burning into her chocolate ones, as she read her face. She wasn't angry, Spencer rarely was with her. But there was something else…a hint of knowing, a dash of…fear?_

"_I just…don't. He's…too good to be true." _

_Surprisingly, Spencer giggled. "Hmm…I was under the impression that _that_ was a good thing."_

"_It's great…until you wake up and it's over." Spencer shook her head. "You could do better."_

"_Better like, who?" The blonde challenged. She tilted her head causing Ashley to look away._

_Head tilt…Ashley kryptonite. _

'Like me_,' Ashley thought. However, the brunette ignored the question, instead changing the subject. _

_Again, Spencer noticed, but didn't comment._

"_I missed you today," Ashley whispered sincerely. She smiled one of her nose-crinkling smiles, causing Spencer to blush._

"_I've been here all night, Ash," Spencer said, matching the same quiet sincerity as Ashley. _

"_No," she said, shaking her head, "you've been with Mike all night." Ashley pouted, too cute for words._

_Spencer softly bit her lip, holding back a smile. "Well, the rest of the night is for you. We can do anything you want."_

"_Promise?" Ashley breathed. Words were lost to her as Spencer stared at her with the same intensity as she had earlier that evening. _

"_Always," Spencer whispered softly._

_Ashley's stomach flipped as electricity shot through her. They were just words, words not uncommonly shared with one another. But her voice, the meaning behind the words…the intense sincerity…_

_She had not realized before how close they were. Their thighs touched, and as Ashley tried to look away, she found that she couldn't. She noticed Spencer's eyes slowly resting upon her lips, before slowly traveling back up to meet her eyes. _

"_Ashley…" the blonde muttered softly, lifting her hand and gently placing a strand of hair behind her friend's ear. Ashley's eyes closed involuntarily, heart racing a mile a minute._

"_Yea?" Ashley breathed. _

"_There you two are__—__" announced a deep voice. The two girls shot apart, causing Ashley to hit her head against the wall._

"_Fuck…" Ashley mumbled as she massaged her head. She looked up and saw it was Aiden, a knowing smirk playing on his face. _

"_Was I…interrupting something?" He asked slyly._

"_No!" the two best friends shouted together. _

_Aiden chuckled. "Uh huh…well, we're 'bout to start the countdown…if you wanna join us."_

"_No…I mean, um…yea…I'm coming." Spencer stuttered, leaving quickly to the living room. _

"_Sorry, Ash__—__" Aiden started before being cut off by a frustrated brunette._

"_Uggh! Aiden," Ashley mumbled, running her fingers through her curled locks, "what the hell am I gonna do?"_

"_I said I was sor__—__" He tried again._

"_No, not you__—__her. What am I gonna do about her?" _

_Aiden sighed warmly, taking a seat near Ashley on the staircase. _

"_I can't really tell you what to do. Only, to do what you think is best…for both of you."_

"_That's great," she said sarcastically, "except I don't exactly know what the hell that might be."_

"_Well then, what do you know?" Aiden asked after a moment._

_Ashley looked at him for a second before turning away. What did she know? Maybe Spencer had feelings for her. Maybe Spencer even loved her._

_But Spencer had so much to lose. Spencer had her entire religious, God-fearing family. Spencer had a boyfriend who was very much in love with her. Spencer had her reputation as the sweet and innocent girl. _

_And who was Ashley Davies, the daughter of an alcoholic mother and an estranged father, to take that away from her?_

_Ashley looked at Aiden again, holding his caring gaze as she answered his question._

"_I know that Spencer is my best friend and I am the cliché of friendships," Ashley smiled sadly. "I am in love with my best friend…and she can never know."_

_Aiden nodded, understanding the finality of her voice. Off in the distance, the two heard chanting._

"_We should go before we miss it," Aiden said taking Ashley's hand and pulling her along with him._

"…_30...29...28..."_

"_Hey," Spencer whispered as Ashley sidled up to her. _

_Ashley smiled, whispering a, "Hey," as well. _

_Everyone was stationed in front of the television set, as they watched the numbers dwindle. Mike, arm around Spencer, stood behind Aiden's blacker leather couch, smiling in anticipation. In front of them, Aiden sat with Kyla as he slid an arm around her shoulder. Madison sat excitedly in Glen's lap in a lounge chair off to the left, and Clay stood behind Chelsea, hands wrapped lovingly around her waist. Aiden's cousins sat sparingly among the furniture, all in quiet excitement._

"…_15...14...13..." _

"_You okay?" Spencer whispered in concern. Ashley was lost in her own thoughts for the millionth time that night. _

"_Yeah, I'm fine." Spencer lift her eyebrow. "Really, Spence__—__I'm fine."_

"…_8...7...6..."_

"_Promise?" the blonde asked._

"_Always." Ashley assured._

"_..3...2...1! Hap__—__py New Year!"_

_Everyone went into an uproar. Hands waving, noisemakers buzzing, hugs given, and as Mike planted a kiss on Spencer's cheek, Ashley walked out of the living room and out the door, needing a breath of fresh air. She took two steps and stopped in amazement, immediately drained of all the jealousy she had previously felt._

"_Hey!" she shouted excitedly, "Come look! Come look!"_

"_What's wrong, Ashley?" Chelsea said, as everyone rushed to see what was going on._

"_It's snowing!"_

_They all gasped as they walked outside in their light hoodies and sweaters, peering out at the wonder around them. The massive yard was almost covered with white as the flakes came down fast. The snowflakes on the ground twinkled under the moonlight, making it appear almost dreamlike._

_It was breathtaking, even under the L.A. streetlights. _

"_It's beautiful," the blonde said behind Ashley. The brunette swore she heard the blonde's smile in her voice. _

_Ashley turned to face her, blown away by the perfect beauty that was her best friend. _

"_It is." Ashley quietly agreed. _

_Ashley held out her hand, Spencer graciously accepting it, and pulled the blonde to her side. Spencer looked up to the sky, closing her eyes as she let the individually shaped snowflakes fall on her face. _

_Ashley smiled, loving the child-like grin her friend wore on her face. Tingles came immediately, heartbeat racing, mind clearing of everything that had nothing to do with her and Spencer. She draped her arm around her waist, and mouthed, "I love you."_

_SNAP!_

* * *

Kyla had taken the picture, framing one of the best and worst moments of her life. She remembered Spencer, flawless under the newly fallen snow, beauty more apparent under the moonlight as it illuminated her already immaculate skin. Her blond hair, highlighted with streaks of light brown, hung softly over her shoulders.

She was beautiful.

But it was the first day she was forced to come to terms with her love for her best friend. And as years passed, she knew that it was the first day she began running from her. The first day she began running from her feelings, her wants, her desires.

It was the first day she started living a lie and stopped living for herself.

Ashley sighed as she turned into Exit 52 toward I-76, following the robotic voice of her GPS system. She pushed play on her CD player, allowing herself to be enveloped in smooth sounds of Boney James, as the breeze pushed through her window.

She was no longer running, she decided, and as an envelope addressed to her in French Script fluttered under the breeze pushing through the window, Ashley hoped that Spencer would stop running as well.

She could only hope.


	4. What Hurts the Most?

**So...I'm an idiot...I put the exact wrong date in the flashback. My bad...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ideas...**

* * *

**Chapter 4: What Hurts the Most?**

Angry clouds enveloped the Arizona sun, masking the supposed-to-be blue skies. Lightning cracked the sky like a whip, and seconds later, thunder echoed its bass drum beats through the heavens. Below the heavy gray, rain pelted the vehicles of irritated drivers traveling west on I-40.

In the midst of the frustrated, Ashley groaned as the windshield wipers moved feverishly along the window in attempt to clear the glass.

Needless to say, it didn't help.

She contemplated pulling over until the storm ended. Or at least until the rain diminished. But she didn't know how long it would take—she had already been traveling six days—and within the hour she would be entering the state of California, back to her birthplace, back to her friends, and back to…

Well, she didn't know exactly what she was expecting, but she knew what she wanted—and that was enough for her.

So Ashley continued to drive through the all too familiar scene as it brought about an all too painful past.

_***_

_May 25, 2000_

_  
Ashley sat on her bed, head resting against the headboard, veins coursing with anticipation, as she looked at the envelopes in front of her. It was far too soon, she thought, for her to get an answer. Sure it's been a couple of months, but it must've been too soon. And both at the same time? Impossible. _

_  
But there they sat on the kitchen counter that afternoon , greeting her after school. Two unopened white envelopes addressed to 'Miss Ashley Davies'. _

_  
Ashley had found them hours ago. It was almost six o'clock now and still they sat, unopened. But that was ridiculous, the brunette realized after a while. Sure she didn't have the genius of Einstein, but she wasn't stupid—her GPA was a 3.8. And her audition for Juilliard went very well in her opinion. It was an original piece she performed, and her mom, as neglectful as she was, said she enjoyed it with sincerity when she performed it for her. Her SAT scores weren't too bad—1410 on a 1600 scale—and her ACT was alright with a 30. So what was she worried about?_

_  
She grabbed the envelope to her right and ripped it open. It was Juilliard, she noticed, and quickly scanned the letter:_

_  
Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted…_

_  
Ashley squealed with excitement before grabbing her phone and dialing a number she knew all too well. It only rang once before Spencer answered. _

"_Hey, Ash—" _

"_Spencer! Guess what came in the mail!" the brunette squealed, earning a hearty laugh from Spencer._

"_Well, judging by your excitement, I would have to say your letter from Juilliard…Wait—you got in!?"_

"_Yup! Isn't that great?" _

_  
Ashley's question was greeted by brief silence before Spencer gave a half-hearted answer. _

"_Yea…it's wonderful! I'm proud of you Ash."_

"_Spencer, what's—"_

"_Ashley, I'm gonna call you back. Mom's calling me."_

"_Spence—"_

"_Bye." Click._

_  
Ashley rested her head against the headboard once more. She wasn't totally naïve. She knew Spencer didn't want her to leave, and to be perfectly honest, she didn't want to leave Spencer either. _

_  
The brunette looked to the second envelope resting on her bed—UCLA. Ashley had kept it a secret. She wanted to surprise the blonde if she had been accepted. And if she hadn't? _

_  
Well, she didn't want to give her best friend false hope._

_  
Ashley reached for the envelope, tearing it open carefully this time, and peeled the letter from its protector. She scanned it briefly, looking for the sentence that would tell her everything. _

_  
After a moment, she slid the letter back inside the envelope, grabbed her keys, and entered the thunderstorm brewing over her head as she climbed into her BMW to see her best friend in person. _

_  
Spencer had known the moment she hung up, Ashley would be on her way to her house. _

_  
And as she heard her mother yell that, "Ashley's here!" almost twenty minutes after their brief phone conversation, it came as no surprise to her._

"_Hey," Ashley greeted from behind her as the brunette entered the kitchen._

"_Hey," the blonde said quietly. She rinsed off the plate in her hand before placing it in the dishwasher. _

"_Can we talk?" _

_  
Spencer turned to face her, back leaning against the counter. Ashley was still standing under the kitchen doorframe, damp curls loosely residing on her shoulder and dressed in a white Cami and skinny jeans. The look was simple, but it seemed to fit her. It always fit her._

"_We are talking," Spencer said simply, as she crossed her arms against her chest. Ashley shook her head._

"_Spence…please don't do this." _

_  
Spencer sighed in quick defeat. Ashley just knew her too damn well._

"_Alright..."_

_  
Ashley nodded, allowing Spencer to walk past her, and followed her up the stairs to her room. Upon entering, Ashley closed the door behind her, before sitting next to Spencer on her bed._

"_So…" Spencer started, atmosphere already heavy. _

_  
Ashley sighed again. "You know I hate when you do that."_

"_Do what?" Spencer asked in faux confusion._

"_That! You're avoiding me," Ashley accused, hurt evident in her voice._

_  
Spencer looked away from her. "Sorry," she muttered softly. _

"_Look, Spencer—"_

"_I don't want you to leave, Ash." Spencer whispered as she looked into Ashley's chocolate orbs, eyes filled with intense hope._

"_I know—" _

"_No, you don't know. You just…you can't." _

"_Spence I—"_

"_Why did you stop tellin' me that you love me?" _

_  
Ashley looked at her, shocked. Where did this come from? _

"_What are you talkin' about, Spence?"_

"_You've always told me you love me…but you don't say it anymore. I wanna know why." _

_  
Ashley stood up, away from Spencer. How was she supposed to tell her why? They were only three little words, but the truth behind them…it was too much for Ashley. She had to lessen the pain somehow and exiling those three words from her vocabulary seemed to help a little bit. _

_  
But only a little. _

"_You know I care about you, Spence. You're my best friend." _

_  
Spencer shook her head. "Then say it." _

_  
Ashley didn't respond._

"_Why do you tense up when I touch you?" _

_  
Ashley flushed. Spencer had noticed that? Of course she did. Every hug, Ashley cut short. _

_  
Every time Spencer grabbed the brunette's hands, Ashley pulled them back. Every touch, Ashley quietly rejected. And it hurt. _

_  
Both of them._

_  
Ashley stayed silent again as Spencer stood up, making her way, painfully slow, to her best friend._

"_Why did you stop sleeping over?"_

_  
It was true. Ashley no longer spent her nights cuddled up with her best friend. Every time Spencer had asked, Ashley came up with a different excuse. And it pained her. It pained both of them._

_  
Far too much._

_  
Spencer was face to face with Ashley, ocean blue eyes boring into brown ones as if searching for answers. She brought a finger to Ashley's cheek and began trailing her jaw line. Ashley's breath quickened, heart thumping wildly, as she wondered how she could possibly stand on the jello that had become of her legs. _

"_Why do you close your eyes every time I'm near you." Spencer said, voice barely above a whisper._

_  
This is where Spencer was wrong. It wasn't every time. She could never shut out Spencer completely. It was only when she was overcome with the urge to kiss her. To kiss the plump lips that didn't belong to her._

_  
That had never belonged to her._

"_Why does it hurt me so damn much?" Spencer muttered, almost inaudibly. _

_  
But Ashley heard it. She heard it as if she screamed it._

_  
And it scared her._

"_I have to go," Ashley muttered, before quickly turning around and opening the door to exit the bedroom. For a second, Spencer was too shocked to move, but, as thunder boomed across the sky, Spencer shot down the stairs and into the rain._

"_Why won't you answer my questions!" Spencer yelled to Ashley as lightning cracked the sky above them._

_  
Ashley stopped the travel to her car, turning abruptly, before marching back to Spencer. _

"_I—Spence you know I care about you! Please let that be enough." Ashley's voice broke, tears mingling with the heavy rain against her cheek. _

"_Ashley, just answer me! Please!" Spencer pleaded. _

"_I can't," Ashley muttered dejectedly. _

"_Why not?!" Spencer challenged._

"_Spen—"_

"_Just tell me, Ashley! I don't want excuses!"_

"_Dammit, Spence!" Lightning split the sky once more as the two became silent. Both were soaked in rain, and as Ashley took a second to take in the  
view, she couldn't help but want Spencer even more. _

"_Just tell me, Ash," Spencer pleaded once more, voice broken. Ashley said nothing, and a split second later, Spencer turned to walk back into her house, wet and defeated. _

"_It's too real for me, Spence," Ashley finally said, raspy voice wavering through her confession. "I can't tell you I love you, because it's too real."_

_  
Spencer stopped, heart beating wildly, but didn't turn around._

_  
It was the moment of truth. _

"_Every time I said it, I just wanted to be with you. I wanted you to tell me that you love me back, but I wanted it to be real—as real as it was, as it is, for me. I wanted you to tell me that you were in love with me, just like I've been in love with you for the last eight years." _

_  
Ashley paused for a moment, as she walked closer to Spencer. _

"_You're second question? I can't touch you without wanting to hold on to you forever, without wanting to somehow permanently attach myself to you so I can always feel the high I'm on when I'm near you. And I guess that answers your next question—I can't lay with you without wanting to hold you in my arms for the rest of my life—of our lives—because every time I'm with you like that, I feel like there is an 'us'. And I know that's not right because you were with Mike. And when it wasn't Mike, it was some other guy." _

_  
Ashley stood behind Spencer, lightly turning her to face her, as she neared the end of her confession. "As for the next question…I guess it's somewhat obvious." Ashley cupped Spencer's wet cheek with her right hand, thumb brushing lightly on the blonde's lips. "I want you so bad. God, do I want you. And when I look into your eyes, I always have this urge to just kiss you. And I'm scared that one day I won't be able to overcome that feeling. " _

_  
Spencer remained silent, eyes fluttering close as Ashley continued to trace her jaw line, her eyebrows, her nose, and back to her lips. _

_  
It was all out there. Every feeling she tried to hide from Spencer, every feeling she locked away in her heart in hopes that Spencer would never find out. _

_  
But of course she would find out. Spencer had the key. She always had it, Ashley knew. Yet, in that instance, Spencer knew it too. _

"_I wish you'd say something," Ashley said hopefully, taking her hand away from Spencer's face. Both were dripping rain, hair soaked and flattened, but neither seemed to care._

_  
Without thinking, and overwhelmed by complete want, Spencer leaned closer to her friend. Ashley did the same, licking her already wet lips, and under the storming rain, beneath the dark lightning filled sky, underneath the booming thunder, they kissed. Their lips met, softly at first and in controlled eagerness. Spencer pulled Ashley closer, hand behind her neck and fingers laced through wet curls. Passion seeped through Ashley's lips in the form of light moans, heat penetrating her center, as Spencer asked for entrance to the brunette's mouth with her tongue. Their tongues battled for dominance before Spencer decided to let Ashley have it. Spencer moaned, or was it Ashley? Neither knew, nor did they care. Ashley was Spencer and Spencer was Ashley. _

_  
For seconds, seconds that seemed to tick away like hours, they kissed. Passion, want, desire, all mixed in with bruised lips, heavy breathing, and moans. Heat contrasted with the cold wetness of their clothes, and for moments more, they were lost in each other._

_  
BOOM!_

_  
Thunder beat the sky with so much force, that Spencer and Ashley shot away from each other. Both mirrored each other in expression—bruised lips, wet, disheveled hair, and chests rising and falling rapidly to catch their breath. Both had a look of pure desire, but Spencer's was different. _

_  
She looked almost torn, afraid. _

"_I'm sorry Ash."_

_  
Spencer turned and ran towards her house, ignoring Ashley's futile attempts to stop her, and allowing the same girl's heart to break._

_  
Ashley went to her BMW, confused, frustrated tears no longer mingling with the rain, but instead falling on the steering wheel of her car. She looked to her right and saw the envelope from UCLA sitting on her passenger seat. She pondered her next move, but decided 'what the hell?' She grabbed the envelope and ripped it in half. _

_  
Spencer had made her own choice. _

Ashley and Spencer barely talked after that. Ashley ignored the numerous phone calls Spencer sent her way, and on the day of graduation, the brunette left for New York without saying good-bye. It had nearly killed Ashley to do it, but it had to be done.

Spencer pulled away before they even had a chance, and Ashley ran before the blonde had a chance to explain. It pained both of them. Both hurt each other, and in that, hurt themselves.

But eight years of barely speaking hadn't prepared Ashley for the envelope she received almost three weeks ago. Fancy French Script text that tore her in pieces every time she thought about it.

_Mrs. Arthur Carlin_

_Requests the pleasure of your company_

_At the marriage of her daughter_

_Spencer Marie_

_to_

_Mr. Kevin Landon James_

_At St. Charles Church, Los Angeles,_

_On Thursday, November 27th, 2008_

_At one o'clock_

_And afterward at_

_The Grand Ball reception hall._

_Ashley glanced to her right as she read the sign that said: Welcome to California. She reached up to her GPS and turned it off. Only a few more miles until she saw her friends, her family, her former best friend._

_  
Only a few more miles…_

_  
She was almost home._


	5. Glass Houses and Stone Envelopes

_**SOOOO..it's safe to say that I suck at updating!! I'm sorry and the I can come up with a million and 1 excuses as to why that is..but I won't....so please enjoy!! and leave comments...and constructive criticism please!! i will be forever thankful!! oh and once again im changin the title cuz I rewrote the whole story once again...but im going back to the other that I attempted to write.**_

_**N I OWN NOTHING!! :) **_

* * *

Ch. 5: Glass Houses and Stone Envelopes

Thunder beat the sky dully, hinting to the near completion of the stormy conditions. Lightning cracked the heavens, few and far between, and heavy drops of rain still cried out from the enveloping gray puffs above.

She was back.

Under the grumpy clouds and unwavering precipitation, she entered Los Angeles, heart racing, thoughts swimming, and hands slightly trembling in anticipation.

But she was back.

Ashley was a mess, to say the least. Longing anxiety coursed through every vein of her body, memories enveloped her soul, and as she traveled through the busy Los Angeles streets, she swore that she felt her. Her presence, somewhere within the mass of millions. Within the excitement. Within the rush and extended chaos, she felt her.

And she was back. Expectations less than zero, she had to try, and as she made a right turn into an apartment parking lot she sighed deeply.

She knew she had nothing else to lose…

But everything in the world to gain.

* * *

_May 20, 2008: Three weeks ago and some odd days…_

_**Mrs. Arthur Carlin requests the pleasure of your company… **_

_It wasn't supposed to get to that point._

_She just needed to get away, clear her head, and possibly get over what she felt so long ago. What she still felt, especially as she slept, confined to her dreams just to live in faux bliss that escaped her every morning the sun kissed her eyelids._

_It wasn't supposed to end like that—her selfish hope that Spencer would wait for her, that Spencer loved her. Because she had loved her, right? Eight years ago, beneath the sad clouds, under the crying rain, Spencer's eyes had shouted everything her mouth was too scared to say. Her lips had worded every feeling her voice was too afraid to proclaim. Spencer had loved her, whether she'd said it or not. _

_But it was eight years ago. Eight years of forming oceans with rivers of endless tears. Eight years of growing, living, and mere hope. Eight years of unknowing and wonder—of expected waiting. _

_Waiting? Ashley could've laughed at herself for thinking that. How could Spencer wait for her, when _Ashley_ had barely waited for the blonde? _

_People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, right? _

_But who knew stones came in the form of dainty little envelopes with French script. Small envelopes that shattered unsuspecting glass houses to pieces. _

_It had come that afternoon, situated innocently between a phone bill and Jazz's car payment. She had missed it at first, flipping through the envelopes quickly, as she always had, before discarding the junk mail haphazardly across the kitchen counter. _

_But, as she had done so, the small beige envelope caught her eye, earning a confused look from the brunette. She picked it up after realizing that it was addressed to her. It wasn't the first wedding invitation she'd receive in the eight years of her absence, the first being from Clay and his marriage to Chelsea, which she, of course, hadn't attended. It would've been too awkward. Too soon. _

_So she sent a toaster oven as a lovely wedding gift. _

_The second was from Madison to some unknown man, who earned a skeptical snort from Ashley considering the Latina was a lesbian, the last she knew. But still, she couldn't (more like, wouldn't) go, and in place, sent a microwave oven. But that was then, almost four and a half years ago. _

_Kyla, she knew from recent phone conversations, had not been in a steady relationship in over two years._

_Aiden, she was aware, was in a steady relationship with some female, but they had only been dating for two months. Too early to pop the question in the brunette's opinion. Then again, Aiden had been one for surprises. _

_And Spencer, Ashley figured, couldn't possibly be getting married. She…well, the brunette didn't know about the blonde's personal life—she never asked. But she couldn't be getting married. _

_But oh how the tables turn. The blonde whom Ashley Davies had grown to love was indeed getting married. And on _Thanksgiving_ no doubt. It hurt. More than the talented musician would have liked to admit._

"_What the fuck, Aiden!?" She asked incredulously into the phone the moment it stopped ringing._

"_Well, 'Hi' to you, too." Aiden answered cheerfully. It was typical Ashley and he was far too used to it to let it ruin his day._

"_Why didn't you tell me?" Ashley accused, breathing becoming an issue. _

"_So…you got the invite?" her friend asked needlessly. _

"_Yeah, and stop stalling. Why. The. Fuck. Didn't. You. Tell. Me!?"_

_Aiden hesitated for a moment as he thought of a reasonable explanation. "You never asked?" Semi-reasonable._

"_Don't give me that bullshit," the brunette retaliated, holding back tears. "You know what she means to me." _

"_Really, Ash?" her friend replied, almost angry. "What she means to you? You haven't seen her in—"_

"_Fuck that, Aid. I still care about her!" _

"_How the hell is she supposed to know that—through our hidden phone calls? Through yours and Kyla's secret phone calls? Maybe the wedding gifts for _Madison_ and_ Clay _were an indication. She doesn't _owe _you anything, Ash."_

_Ashley was silent, fingers running frustratingly through her hair as the soundless tears trailed her face. "I know, Aid. I just…I fucked up." _

_Aiden chuckled lightly. "You fucked up eight years ago." _

_Ashley gave laughed sadly before sighing heavily. "What the hell am I gonna do, Aiden?" she relented, voice small and defeated. _

_What could she do?_

"_Come home…" he quietly suggested. _

_It was a simple offer, the most obvious in Aiden's mind. Why was it so hard?_

"_I don't know Aiden," she said after a moment. "She probably hates me." _

"_Well, she does. Wouldn't _you_ hate you?" He paused for a second after his so truthful statement, allowing Ashley to breath a dejected sigh. "But she misses you just as much."_

_The brunette's heart beat faster, heat rising to her face. The thought of her made her warm. But that never changed—the blonde had always had that effect._

"_Aiden…you are _such _a girl." Ashley smiled as she heard her friend's hearty laughter through the receiver. _

"_It's not the first time you've said it," he chuckled warmly. _

"_Aiden…"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_I'm coming home."_

* * *

Ashley eyed the apartment, hesitating briefly before wandering to the door. She pulled out her cell phone, pressed speed dial number two, and placed the phone by her ear.

"I'm back," she spoke the second it stopped ringing.

"Ashley? What do you mean 'your back'?" a surprised Aiden asked through the receiver.

"I mean, what apartment number are you, moron? I'm back in L.A."

"What the fu—really?" Aiden sang excitedly.

Ashley laughed. "What's the number, idiot."

"108!"

"I'm hanging up," she said, smiling broadly at his eagerness before closing her phone. Ashley pushed the number and was quickly buzzed in.

She stopped when she arrived at the door marked 108. She barely lifted the doorknocker before it shot open. Milliseconds later, a strong body collided with hers, nearly knocking her over. Muscular arms wrapped themselves around her small frame and her nose was instantly filled with the pleasant scent of her friend's cologne.

"Ashley! Damn, it's been a long time!" Aiden greeted, squeezing the brunette happily.

"Bi ban breve," Ashley's muffled voice said beneath her friend's arms. He chuckled, lifting his muscular appendages out of the strangling hug. Ashley exhaled loudly, earning a bashful, but cheerful grin from Aiden.

He was slightly taller than Ashley remembered and his black hair had maintained its patented groomed, but untidy appearance. He wore ripped blue jeans and a black wife beater, displaying his physical physique.

"My bad," he chuckled, "I was just…it's been awhile."

"Yeah," the brunette smiled, happy to be breathing and mentally reminding herself to get an x-ray of her ribs. "But next time, don't be so rough."

"I thought you liked it 'rough'," Aiden joked.

"Shut up!" she shot as she punched his arm, producing a wince out of her friend. "Are you gonna invite me in or are we gonna continue this conversation inside the safety of this small ass hallway?"

"My fault," he laughed, "come in, come in."

It was small, Ashley noticed after entering the dining room through the small hallway, but it didn't seem to be too restricted. In fact, the arrangement appeared to be somewhat spacious. The dining room and kitchen rested in an area to the left while a black leather couch ruled the area to the right, resting in front of a large HD plasma television. There was a small hallway leading to other rooms and Ashley noted the clean and homey interior.

_Aiden is such a girl_…the brunette thought.

"It's not much…" Aiden said as he opened the refrigerator.

"No, it's nice. It fits your style," she chuckled.

"You want something? A drink?" he offered from the fridge.

"No, I'm fine."

"Suit yourself." He walked away from the fridge, Sprite in hand, and sat on a barstool in the kitchen. Ashley imitated his gesture, faced him, and smiled. She really had missed him.

"That's still your favorite, huh?" Ashley asked, amused.

"Yup. Never gonna change."

"Well, I'm glad some things stay the same."

"Only the minor things. A lot has changed in eight years. We've grown up."

Ashley's stomach clenched.

_We. _Kyla…Madison…Clay…Glen…Chelsea…_Spencer_.

"So I hear," the brunette mumbled.

"What do you plan on doing?" he asked, changing the subject.

"I don't know yet…rent a suitable apartment as soon as I find one."

"Are you staying for good this time?" he questioned hopefully.

Ashley hesitated. "It…depends."

Her friend nodded knowingly and dropped the subject. Nothing else being said, Ashley got up to get a closer look at the framed photos posted along the beige walls. Several of the photos were of Aiden alone, goofy and posing. A couple had the gang in its entirety and Ashley tried to ignore the rapid beating of her heart whenever she saw the blonde.

"I can't believe you still—" The brunette stopped abruptly as a particular memory controlled her senses.

"Spencer told me to take that one down," Aiden said to a barely listening brunette as he watched her pause in front of the photo. Ashley grabbed the photo from the wall to get a closer look.

"You took this?" she questioned, her voice small.

"Yea," Aiden responded. "Do you remember that day?"

Ashley chuckled quietly. "Of course."

"Yeah it—" _Bzzzz. _"I'll be right back." Aiden said quickly as he got up to answer the door.

Ashley sighed as she continued looking at the photo, the memory penetrating her thoughts completely.

* * *

_February 11, 2000_

"_Please?"_

"_No…" _

"_Ashley…please?"_

"_No…"_

"Ash_ley!"_

"Spen_cer!"_

_The frustrated blonde threw her hands up in annoyance. The quad at King High was filled with over eager students, mostly excited about the dance tomorrow night. _

_Well, all except for a certain brunette who sat on the grass in the distance, back against a tree, annoyed at the persistence of her best friend. Spencer sat beside her, trying to convince Ashley that she should go to the dance. _

_Trying being the operative word._

"_Well, why not?" Spencer whined in irritation. It was ridiculous really. It was just a dance. _

"_You know I don't do dances," she responded matter-of-factly. She really didn't, the only two she's ever attended being with her best friend. But this time was different. This time her best friend had a boyfriend and Ashley didn't want to witness intimate smiles and goofy eye conversation that she was not apart of._

_It hurt enough already._

"_But you're going with me," she said sweetly, tilting her head slightly. Ashley had to fight back a smile at the blonde's adorable gesture. It was Ashley kryptonite, they both knew it. _

_But maybe if she stood her ground just this once, Spencer would understand. _

"_No, Spence," Ashley started, looking away. "You're going with Mike."_

"_Ashley," she sighed softly, rolling her eyes, "it's not even like that."_

"_What is it like, then?" Ashley asked in sudden, irrational anger. "Because it seems to me that you're going with your _boy_friend—_not_ me. So don't make this about us when you know damn well it was never about 'us'. It never is." _

_The blonde peered at her best friend, stunned. For a moment, a brief moment, the teen was speechless. Her initial reaction was anger, but Ashley never lashed out at her like that. Spencer scooted closer to Ashley, linking her arm with her own. _

"_Are you okay?" She asked quietly. Ashley was silent, instead looking away, watching students laughing and joking in the distance. Spencer slowly moved her right hand to the brunette's face, cupping her left cheek, and guided her face towards her own. All of the unreasonable anger immediately dissipated from the brunette as she gazed into her friend's soft, blue eyes. "Ashley…its always about us. No one can replace that. Not ever."_

_Ashley nodded, turning her gaze once again. "I'm sorry…" she mumbled, a playful pout on her face._

"_I forgive you," the blonde said sweetly. She leaned her head on her friend's shoulder, looking out at the active students in the quad. Of course she would forgive her, it's not like she was mad anyway._

_Above, the thoughtful sun enveloped the King High students in peaceful light as whispering breezes fluttered past them. The brunette loved days like this, days in which Spencer's eyes shone a little brighter, and Ashley's days were a little warmer. Ashley listened to her friend's peaceful breathing beside her as it simultaneously went in sync with her own. As it always had. _

"_Spence?" Ashley spoke quietly after a moment._

"_Yea?"_

"_I'll go to the dance with you." The brunette felt her friend's lips form into a small smile as she leaned in closer to her. _

_

* * *

  
_

"_Thank you."_

"_I don't know, Ky. It doesn't look right." _

"_It's fine, Ashley. You look beautiful."_

"_But—" _

"_Don't even think about changing again. Spencer and Aiden's gonna be here soon." _

_Kyla's voice was final as she left the room to check her make-up in the bathroom mirror, leaving her half sister to unleash a quiet train of swear words. Ashley let out a frustrated sigh as she looked over her reflection again. She was unsure of what kind of clothing would be suited for a Valentine's Day dance. Casual? Formal? Semi-formal? It was stressing her out to say the least, and she made a mental note to curse Spencer when she got the chance. _

_Ashley decided on a strapless red mini tube dress, length stopping shortly above the knees and its material gently hugging her in all of the right places. It accentuated her breasts and hugged her hips, all the while creating an image of pure beauty. Her red-streaked brunette hair was done neatly in a messy bun with thin pieces of loose curls hanging on the sides of her face, complementing her gold chain well, and she stood only a few inches taller in her red and black stilettos. She was gorgeous._

"_Wow," she heard someone breathe behind her, the person's voice immediately sending sweet tingles throughout her body. She turned to find Spencer, clad in a white fitting medium length halter dress, hair done in loose, blonde curls gently kissing her shoulder, and face lightly done with make-up—she was the definition of beauty. Ashley felt her heart beat increase tenfold, throat suddenly dry, face flushed with the compliment her friend had breathed. _

"_You are so beautiful," Ashley whispered, though the words were amplified greatly in Spencer's ears. _

_The blonde broke eye contact as she looked away; blush creeping across her cheeks as her lips upturned into a smile. Spencer looked up and sauntered over to her friend, tilting her head, as a sly smile formed on her face. Ashley felt a longing flame fuse in her stomach as she maintained eye contact with her best friend._

"_You think so?" Spencer said, blue eyes blazing._

"_Always…" she muttered, distracted by the closeness of her friend's breath on her face, in her ear. _

"_You are gorgeous," Spencer whispered, lips lightly dancing across Ashley's ear, causing her breath to hitch. _

"_Spencer—"_

"_Are you girls…ready?" Aiden asked as he walked in the room, producing a frustrated sigh out of Ashley. _

"_Yea, just waiting on Ky," Spencer responded, unfazed by Aiden's interruption. She placed a quick kiss on Ashley's cheek before leaning away from her, causing the brunette's eyes to flutter and the area of the kiss to burn sweetly._

"_I'm here," the girl announced upon entering the room. "Wow, Spence, you look gorgeous."_

"_What about me?" Aiden questioned with a faux pout. _

"_You look handsome as always, Aid," she answered with a playful eye-roll before leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. _

"_Let's roll," he answered with a smile, linking his arm with Kyla's. Aiden made eye contact with Ashley and offered a quick wink before leaving the bedroom. _

"_Ready to go?" the blonde asked with an adorable smirk._

_Ashley took a deep breath before relating her answer._

"_As ready as I'll ever be."_

* * *

_The dance set-up was pretty simple at the King High gymnasium. A DJ spin-table was set up to the very back of the gym, huge speakers on either side, while a tables ran along the far left wall and was filled with various punch and snacks. Tables were set up on the opposite side of the DJ, leaving the massive area in the middle to be reserved for dancing. And within the collection of dancers, Spencer and Ashley had just finished one of many dances of the night, "Miami" by Will Smith, and needed a break from the active, and perhaps, already drunk, high schoolers. They grabbed an open table, Spencer making a quick get-a-way to retrieve a couple of much needed drinks. _

_Ashley watched her discretely, taking in her friend's quiet confidence, basking in her own want for her. The night had been going well. Dancing close (but not too close) and laughing at everything, all the while etching each and every moment into her mind. Adding to every other moment with Spencer that was as blissful as this night. She was sure her heart would explode from its activeness, positive that the strain on her rapidly beating muscle was not healthy in the slightest. No matter how sweet it was. _

"_Having a good time?" Aiden whispered in Ashley's ear, producing a startled jump._

"_Jeez, Aid! Creepy, much?" Ashley breathed._

_Aiden laughed. "I'm sorry. But if you weren't so busy stalking Spencer, maybe you would've heard me the first time." _

_Ashley blushed, mentally thanking the dim lighting in the gymnasium. "I wasn't stalking." _

"_Yeeeaaa…sure."_

"_Shut up!" she shot, punching his arm. "Aren't you supposed to be with Kyla anyway?" _

"_Her and Madi went on a little potty break; you know you females travel in groups." _

_Ashley smiled. "Whatever Aiden." _

"_So…I'm sorry for earlier." He stated after a minute._

"_What are you talking about?" The brunette questioned, thoroughly confused._

"_For interrupting you two before we left."_

"_Nothing happened," Ashley dismissed. "Nothing to be sorry for."_

"_But that's not exactly true, is it?" Ashley looked away. "My God—how can two people be so unbelievably blind?" He asked in exasperation. _

"_Shut up, Aiden! I'm not blind, alright! It's just hard—"_

"_What's hard?" Spencer asked innocently, making her presence known as she sat to the left of Ashley. _

"_Me," Aiden answered, earning a purely shocked face from the unsuspecting blonde. "I'm just going to go over there, I think I see Kyla."_

"_I seriously don't know why we keep him around," Spencer chuckled, placing a red plastic cup in front of her friend. _

"_Yea," Ashley sighed, "me neither."_

"_So, what were you really talking about?" Ashley looked at Spencer, unsurprised by the question, all the while trying to think of something convincing to say. _

"_You." It wasn't a lie. Not Really._

"_And what did you say about good ole' me?"_

"_He was just wondering why you went with me…and not Mike." Spencer looked away, taking a small sip of her punch as if she was deciding whether or not to answer. _

"_Um…we broke up." She answered not looking at her friend. _

_The brunette spit out the punch she had recently (attempted) to drink. "You what? When? Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_Last week…like Wednesday. And it's not even a big deal." She responded, focusing on everything in front of her that was not Ashley_

"_But why? Did he cheat on you? I swear I'll kick his ass if he did! Where is he—"_

"_No," Spencer said softly, placing a single finger on Ashley's moving lips, immediately ending her speech. Ashley felt her body burn, tingles shooting throughout her veins, lips on fire with one single touch. "He didn't cheat. He was wonderful. I ended it with him."_

_Ashley felt angel-soft fingers leaving a fiery trail as they slowly journeyed its way to move a loose piece of hair out of the way, tucking it gently behind the brunette's ear. Ashley's eyes fluttered close, mouth becoming dry as she attempted to slow her breathing down._

"_Have you ever been in love?" Spencer asked innocently, eyes boring into Ashley's as if trying to divulge an unasked answer._

"_Where is this coming from, Spence?"_

"_I was just wondering. Curious, I guess…So have you?"_

"_Yes," Ashley breathed so silently, she was sure Spencer didn't hear her. But of course she did. She could tell by the way her eyes sparkled with curiosity, even beneath the dark lighting of the room. She could tell by the way her head tilted so adorably, it took everything in her not to kiss the blonde. _

"_How does it feel?" _

_Ashley looked away, unable to focus on the only eyes she would ever want to look at, but unable to because it would give far too much away. "It's the best and the worst feeling in the world," the brunette started quietly. "It's hard to articulate because it's probably different for everyone, but it's like—it's everything. Especially when you're so deep in love that hearing a whisper of the other's name—just a whisper—feels you up, lifts you, and places you on cloud nine, and all you can do is smile. And it may happen at the dumbest time, too. Like when your taking a test, like one worth so much that if you tank it, you're sure to fail the class. But you can't help it because you think about them so much that you don't even care. You don't care that the teacher yells at you for writing their name for each answer blank like they're the only thing that matters. Which is so true, because they **are** the only thing that matters."_

"_And it's even better when you get to see them. It brightens your day and you consider them the rainbow to **any** storm. But it sucks at the same time because you're certain—so certain that the fact that your heart beats one million beats per minute is so unhealthy that it scares you sometimes. It scares you that you love them so damn much. And it sucks when your voice is unsteady, and it sucks that your stomach unloads so many butterflies it becomes difficult to even think about eating. It sucks that every facial expression made makes you weak, so weak that you barely stand the idea of standing. But that's okay because it's the best weak feeling in the world."_

_Ashley paused for a moment, feeling Spencer's eyes trained on her, unmoving, as if blinking would make all of her friend's words drift away. But Ashley couldn't stop. She was gone too far, and now it felt like a great boulder was being lifted._

"_But it gets bad sometimes. Especially the times when you're so exhausted—so tired—but you can't sleep because the only bed, the only comfort, is in their arms. Not in the expensive ass king size mattress. Not in the expensive ass sheets or the many pillows resting on your bed. Nope. It's only okay in their arms. Their arms holding you, legs wrapped around you, warmth filling you as you quickly fall asleep. Then when you wake up next to them? That's the safest feeling in the world—being wrapped in strong, but gentle arms. And everything about it is perfect. So overwhelmingly perfect. And it kills you that you can't kiss them. It kills you that you can't claim them as your own. Because the worse feeling in the world is the fact that you've fallen in love with someone you can't have…because everything is screaming at you, telling you it's wrong. It's not right. And it sucks because you can't control it. There's not a damn thing that you can do about it. And it hurts so, so bad. It feels like it's killing you, surely, but slowly everyday. But you don't care because, as cliché as it sounds, you feel like it's the sweetest way to die. You're sure of it."_

_Spencer sat in silence as Ashley ended. After a moment, and without words, Spencer stood up and offered a hand to Ashley. The brunette gracefully accepted it and followed behind her friend to the dance floor. A slow song played gently in the background as the two joined the many couples dancing on the floor._

_The two friends stood at a distance at first, Ashley's hands gently holding Spencer's hips while Spencer's wrapped snuggly around Ashley's neck, swaying in beat to the song playing. _

"_You can come closer you know," Spencer spoke silently, eyes blazing a bright blue. _

_Ashley moved in, hands resting on the small of Spencer's back, and she swore she heard Spencer's breath hitch slightly. They were only a few inches apart, and Spencer leaned into her further, her nose brushing against Ashley's cheek. _

"_This feels perfect, doesn't it…" It was said so quietly that Ashley was unsure if she heard it. But it must've been said, because her heart was racing too fast for it to be unreal. The flesh of her ear, much like earlier that night, seared way to much for it not to have felt the softest lips brush them. It felt so damn perfect._

_SNAP!_

* * *

Ashley blinked as she thought about the sudden reminiscence. The picture must've been taken by Aiden. She didn't even know the picture existed, capturing one of the best moments in her life. Spencer, in her arms, both looking at each other, just looking. But they were so close, lips maybe five centimeters apart. She remembered the look in Spencer's eyes, one of the few times she displayed any signs of want. But it left as quickly as it came, recalling that the song had ended, only to be replaced by a far more upbeat tune, officially ending their moment.

In the distance, Ashley heard the footsteps entering the small apartment, guessing that the person at the door had indeed come in. She placed the picture back to its rightful place, and turned around.

"Aiden, I…"

"Ash, I swear I didn't know about this," Aiden informed as he heard the words suddenly die on her lips.

But Ashley heard none of it. All she felt was her stomach flip as she focused on the being in front of her. Even from a short distance Ashley saw the brilliant blue eyes blaze in mixed emotion—anger and sadness—neither one making her feel relieved. The tingles were not to be unmistaken though. It was no doubt that the person in front of her, standing with pure surprise written on her face, was anyone other than—

"Spencer…"


	6. Role Reversal

_**Next update..it's really short, but I'm working on the next and it'll be much longer...Thanks for the reviews!! It is always welcomed....Thanks for reading!! feel free to write (constructive) criticism, comments, favorite moments, maybe what I can do better??Oh, and other characters will be in the next chapters..I just had to get the base down, ya digg!! :)  
**_

**Disclaimer**: **_I own not a damn thing!! :) 'cept the story line!! and other characters..._**

* * *

_**CH. 6: Role Reversal**_

"What are you doing here?"

The brunette looked away at Spencer's voice, breaking eye contact with the blonde and trying so feebly to steady her heart.

It had been eight years—eight years—and every day seemed to have molded Spencer into a more beautiful woman, clearly leaving behind the shell of adolescence that Ashley once knew. Spencer was slightly taller, blonde hair slightly darker, blue eyes unbelievably brighter, but sapphire-dark at the same time, all the while being impossibly more beautiful.

But it hurt. Spencer had pushed Ashley away. _Spencer. _

Now the blonde was the one who was angry?

"Nice to see you too, Spence," Ashley chuckled after a moment. Spencer didn't find it funny.

"Why are you here?" she repeated.

"You—uh, you invited me. The wedding?" Spencer looked confused, if not even more surprised.

"The wedding's in five and a half months…and I didn't send you an invitation."

Ashley flushed in embarrassment and shot a look to Spencer in uncertainty. "I-I have the invite in my car…are you sure—"

"We haven't spoken in…" the blonde trailed, disappointed eyes breaking contact for a mere second. "I didn't even know where you were."

Why hadn't she realized that before? Spencer would have never personally invited Ashley to her wedding—why would she? That would leave only one person…

"You sent the invite, didn't you." Ashley voiced eyeing Aiden incredulity.

Aiden, almost forgotten by Spencer, stood, back against the counter, whistling and eyeing his fingernails as if he had not a care in the world. In fact, Ashley would've laughed if she hadn't felt so ashamed. He looked up as he felt both pairs of eyes on him.

"Yea…" he answered, then added quickly, "But I swear it wasn't my idea."

"What the fuck, Aiden!?" Spencer shouted, furious.

"I was only trying to help," the black-haired boy responded in self-defense. "I didn't know she was coming back today!"

"You shouldn't have sent it in the first place! You had no right to!"

Ashley looked away, feeling immensely foolish for her presence. She had no business there; she was nothing more than an outsider, intruding in lives that were no longer apart of hers.

That hadn't been apart of hers for a long time.

"You shouldn't have sent it, Aiden," Ashley sighed sadly as she made her way towards the door. "I'm gonna go."

"No…" Spencer said quickly, grabbing Ashley's hand, "don't leave."

The electric shock went unmissed by both women. It shot through their veins, completely flooding their bodies and exciting the rapid beating muscles beneath their breasts. But it ended as soon as it happened, Spencer taking back her hand as if it was scorched.

They looked at one another, searching eyes trying to divulge answers of what just happened. But what Ashley saw only scared her so much more. Spencer's sapphire eyes only surrendered sadness…disbelief…pain.

She was certain that her eyes claimed the same.

"I gotta go."

And with that, Ashley was left with a painful déjà vu as she closed her eyes and imagined the blonde walking away.

* * *

_June 2000: Night before graduation…_

"_What are you doing here?"_

_Spencer looked down, focusing on something interesting on her shoe. She expected the question, but not with its underlying disappointment. Not with its poorly hidden sadness. _

_Not with so much rejection._

"_I wanted to see you," she voiced quietly. Ashley's room had never felt so big, the distance between her bed and the window Spencer snuck through seeming like endless miles between them. _

"_I don't have anything to say, Spence." Ashley sat up on her bed, eyeing the uneasiness of her friend__—__because she still considered her a friend__—__and wished that she could just make it go away. But she couldn't. Not this time._

_Spencer's head shot up, immediately making eye contact with chocolate colored eyes, searching for a hint of anything that resembled her friend, only to find that she was unable to read her._

"_Don't do this, Ash," the blonde pleaded, "Please don't push me away."_

"_Spencer, don't act like you actually care," Ashley spat._

"_Ashley Davies," Spencer said, suddenly angry. "If you don't see how much this is fuckin' killing me then you don't know me at all! Don't act like the damn victim all of the time."_

_Ashley shot up from her bed, throwing her hands up in irate disbelief. "You have _got _to be kidding me. The victim!? When have I ever been the fuckin' victim, huh? The times when you sneak into my bed almost every night and I hold __**you **__because __**your **__parents are fighting about Lord knows what? Or maybe the times when I give __**you**__ advice about the boyfriends that I can give two shits about, guys that don't even deserve you! Or maybe I'm the victim when the only person…" Ashley paused briefly as her voice broke, trying to stop the unshed tears fall over the edge of her "when the only person I love most in this world breaks my heart over, and over again. That's it, right? That must be it, because the one time I finally break, __**I **__become the damn victim."_

"_I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," Spencer said quickly, rushing over to her now sobbing friend. She reached up, attempting to pad the tears away, only to have Ashley back away._

"_No," she spoke softly, voice broken, "don't try to fix this, okay? You don't get to make this alright."_

"_I miss you so much, Ash. I need my friend back."_

"_Friend, Spence! It's a little late for that, don't you think?"_

"_I can't…" Spencer whispered dejectedly, "We can't__—__"_

"_Dammit, Spencer! __**You **__kissed __**me! **__Then you walk away and acted like it meant nothing. That I mean nothing."_

"_No, Ash," Spencer cried, tears betraying her as they fell from her eyes, "you are __**everything**__ to me. Everything. Just give me__—__"_

"_Time? Don't tell me that, okay. I see it in your eyes. You're scared, and I get that, I really do. But damn, one second you're hot, the next you're cold. And I just__–__I can't deal with it anymore."_

"_What do you want from me, Ashley?"_

_Ashley took a moment. It was simple. It really was. "I want you. That's all I've ever wanted."_

_Spencer nodded as she inched towards her. Ashley didn't move this time, allowing the blonde to become closer than she has in days. Spencer slowly raised her right hand, letting her fingers glide across her forehead, before she gently removed the hair from her eyes. Ashley closed her eyes, placing her forehead against Spencer's causing the blonde's eyes to flutter close. Their lips were a hair's breadth apart, both breathing in one another's sweet air, tasting and reveling in the intimacy. And Ashley could have sworn that Spencer was going to kiss her. She felt it in the blonde's touch. She felt it in her own heart. And their lips did meet, gently, angelically pressing together, unmoving. But the ball was in Spencer's court, both knew it. Spencer already knew what Ashley wanted. What she herself wanted so fucking bad. _

_And maybe if it wasn't so wrong, she would've done it. Maybe if Ashley knew how hard Spencer's mother made it, how much Paula Carlin actually knew, maybe Ashley would've understood._

_Maybe if it was a different universe it wouldn't have hurt so damn much. _

_Ashley felt it before she heard it__—__Spencer pulling away. She felt it because as Spencer pulled back slightly, lips still touching hers, foreheads connected, she felt her heart tug with the soft words written on her lips. _

"_I can't Ash."_

_She kept her eyes closed, body feeling extremely cold as the blonde left, hurrying through the window. Despite the tears resting on the brim of her eyelids, she couldn't cry. There was no point, and as she went over to the window, needlessly shutting it and securing the lock, she limply fell to the ground, praying for the tears to fall. _

* * *

"I'm sorry, Ash."

Ashley shook her head. "Why the fuck did you not just tell me? I wouldn't have come back if I knew she didn't want me here."

Aiden sat against the counter silently, thinking. "I was just trying to help."

The brunette wordlessly nodded her head as she sat on the black leather couch. She sighed deeply in frustration, running her fingers through her brunette locks. "It was a mistake coming back."

"Well what did you expect, Davies? A welcome home party? _You_ left _her_."

"You don't know shit, Aiden!" Ashley shot, suddenly angry. "_She_ pushed _me_ away. _You_ of all people should know that I tried to back off!"

"You're not innocent in this, Ashley—"

"Fuck! Don't you think I _know_ that?!" She spat, becoming impatient. "I fucked up! I know I did. And there's not one day—not one single day—where I don't regret it." Aiden looked at her sadly as she continued her heartfelt rant. "But the first thing that came to mind was, 'Spencer, _my _Spencer, is getting married.'"

"She's not yours, Ash. Not anymore."

"I know," she sighed in defeat. "And you know what? I don't even know what the hell I was expecting." Without another word, the brunette rose from the couch and made her way to the door.

"Ashley," she heard suddenly. She looked to her right to see Aiden standing, hands in the pocket of his jeans as if he was contemplating something.

"What, Aid?" She questioned, right hand on the doorknob.

"She works at the Duartes'…it's a little bakery down the street."

The brunette shot him a confused look. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Figured you should know," he shrugged simply.

Ashley turned the knob to leave, opening the door and only slightly pausing when she heard Aiden's voice once more...

"She works 'til eight."

…and she shut the door.


	7. Rewind

**Hey There!!! This one is fairly short and i think i hate it...lol That thought is impending..but yea..i figured I should update..COMMENTS PLEASE!!! And thanks to everyone who has given comments so far!! **

**Oh..i'm starting a new one i think..im in the process of writing that one..but i was also wondering if anyone would like The Bakery to be finished...if so it would have slightly the same idea as this number..but traveling down a different road...but yea..if you haven't read the other, check it out and see...  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything unfortunately...lol Just my ideas..  
**

* * *

_**Chapter 7: Rewind**_

"_She works 'til eight."_

***

Aiden was a sneaky one, Ashley could attest to that, and far smarter than he let others to believe.

Because maybe he knew that she was going to pull up in the small parking lot of the quaint little bakery shortly before closing time. Perhaps he knew that the brunette would sit outside of the small building, contemplating whether or not she should enter.

Maybe he knew she _would_ enter.

A tiny ding sounded above the brunette as she opened the door, enveloping herself in the dim lighting, immediately engulfed with the sweet floury aroma of freshly baked goods. There were few empty tables and a large booth to the back corner of the building, while in the center, were stands of already packaged breads, various mixtures of donuts, and other goods. Directly in front was a small area for the Deli, appearing to be already closed, while the far left housed the area for the bakery.

There, she saw three people, two who were much older and none of which had blond hair, with their heads down, assessing the day's budget as they talked quietly. After a few seconds the two older people excused themselves as they went into the backroom, arguing about something that Ashley could not hear. The brunette, still unnoticed, walked up to the guarded counter, causing the woman behind it to quickly glance up.

"This area is closed," the woman said irritatingly before glancing back down to the paper in frustration, then making a shooing motion with her hand. "There's still some baked goods out on the shelves."

Ashley smiled, shaking her head. "Still a bitch, I see."

The woman looked up, confused greenish-gray eyes meeting brown ones, before a small smile grew on her face.

"Ashley?"

"In the flesh!" Ashley beamed. "And Madi, I don't think it's a good idea to brush off customers."

Madison chuckled as she hurried her way around the counter. "Shut up and give me a hug!"

The two hugged tightly, as old friends do, before the Latina pulled away just enough to look at her. "Damn it's been a long time, _chica_! How long have you been here?"

The brunette grinned, sad at the fact that she was one of few friends who she failed to keep in touch with. Not that they hadn't tried, but Madison had her own life, according to Aiden, and when she went off to college in Chicago, things hadn't exactly gone so well.

"I got here earlier today. I went to see Aiden first."

"Did you, now?" she questioned, lifting an eyebrow.

"_Nasty_," Ashley chuckled as she slapped Madison on the arm.

"Madi, your mom is going…crazy…"

The brunette shot her head towards Spencer's voice, noting the surprised look on her face.

"Ugh," the Latina groaned, before turning back to Ashley, "I'll be back, we have to catch up."

"Sounds good," Ashley said, quickly glancing at Madison before putting her focus back on the stunned blonde.

Spencer gaped a second longer at the brunette before attempting to escape back into the kitchen.

"Is that your answer for everything?" Ashley asked softly. "Run away when the going gets tough?"

"No, I just leave for eight years!" Spencer shot back, hand on the doorknob. Ashley cringed at the blonde's words.

"Touché," she muttered in defeat.

"What the hell are you doing here, Ashley?" Spencer spat angrily as she spun around to face her.

"I was in the mood for some donuts," the brunette shot sarcastically, "I thought I'd stop by."

"Aiden told you I work here, didn't he?" She sighed in impatience. "I'm gonna kill him," she mumbled rolling her eyes.

"Look…I just want to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," Spencer muttered quickly.

"Can I see it?" Ashley asked suddenly.

"W-_what_?"

"The ring…can I see it?"

Spencer looked down at her left hand, contemplating her answer, before wringing her hands together in sudden apprehension. Ashley's heartbeat increased tenfold as she noticed the blonde making her way towards her, inching around the counter before ending her journey in front of the brunette. They looked in one another's eyes, lost in each other's mixed signals and silent trepidation. After a moment, Spencer held her hand up, causing Ashley to look down. With slight hesitation, Ashley reached her hand out to meet the blonde's, wanting to hold it closer in order to get a better look at it.

And it happened again. Energized tingles shot through both hands like a recharged battery coming back to life for the first time, causing Spencer to flinch slightly. However, Ashley pretended not to notice as she gently, but firmly, held Spencer's hand in her own.

It was soft, so soft—perfectly slender fingers fitting the brunette's wholly. Unconsciously, Ashley's thumb created soothing circles upon the back of Spencer's hand as she took a closer look at the diamond ring. It was small and simple—a slender band of platinum silver fit the blonde's ring finger with perfection, while three diamonds sat on top, the diamond in the middle slightly larger than the two that rested on either side.

"It's small," Spencer spoke in a quiet voice, "but I love it."

"It's perfect for you," Ashley said sadly, eyes still on the ring. "It's simple, but elegant. And I know you were never a fan of gold."

Spencer's eyes sparkled at Ashley's memory. "You still remember that?"

Ashley's eyes shot up at Spencer's surprise. "Of course."

Suddenly, Spencer shot back, taking her hand in urgency as she took several steps away from Ashley. She ran her fingers through her hand in irritation, closing her eyes tightly as if to shut out the peace of what just occurred.

"I'm supposed to be mad at you," Spencer muttered, exasperated.

"I know," Ashley whispered quickly.

"No," the blonde voiced, eyes shooting open. "you don't know. I _want _to be mad at you. I'm supposed to be yelling at you, telling you to leave me the hell alone and never talk to me again. I want to _hate_ you."

Spencer spoke the last three words softly, as if speaking them at all made her ache with sadness. Ashley's retaliation died on the tip of her tongue when she met Spencer's sad eyes, the blue orbs begging to just let her continue. So she did.

"And I've tried to. But for some damn reason, every single time I come up with a reason to be mad, I think of twenty other reasons not to."

"Look—"

"No, just…" Spencer paused for a moment as she sighed softly. "It's in the past. So much has happened since then. Can we just…start over?"

"Okay," the brunette said as she held her hand out in a friendly gesture. "Ma' name's Ashley Davies. Nice to meet you."

Spencer smiled warmly. "Spencer Carlin," the blonde grinned in spite of herself, "nice to meet you, too."


	8. Closed Book

**So..It's been a while..and i'm not sure if people are still interested..but here goes the next chapter...to be honest..i think it could've been better...but it gets the message across..HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!! READ & REVIEW!!!**

**Also..my birthday's on Sunday...17 BABY!! lol..so maybe if i get enough reviews..i'll post the next one on my b-day!! If not...then...well i'll prolly post it anyways...like monday or sumthin...**

**Feel free to PM about any questions or just some good 'ol conversation!!  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN MY PERCEPTION OF THE FANFICTION!! I AM IN NO WAY AFFLIATED WITH THE CREATORS!!**

**BUT I'M SURE U KNO THIS!! :)  
**

**ENJOY!!**

* * *

_**Chapter 8: Closed Book**_

Spencer was restless.

The fact that her bedroom lights had been turned off more than four hours ago, drowning her in immense darkness, didn't matter. The fact that her fiancée's strong arm was gently placed around her waist, his breath soothingly massaging her neck as he snuggled up to her didn't matter. The fact that she counted more animals than the inhabitants on Noah's Ark didn't seem to _fuckin' _matter.

Nope. Her mind wanted to focus on significantly little things such as the sweet aroma of French vanilla perfume and gentle tans. Tonight, Spencer's eyelids wanted to tattoo auburn curls and maroon eyes to the backs of them, as if that was painless to see. Tonight, Spencer's body chose to feign confusion, her stomach seemingly exploding into fierce butterflies, nerves aflame with one single touch, as if that was healthy to endure. Tonight, her confused body and restless mind wanted to resurrect feelings she had laid to rest years ago.

Eight _fuckin'_ years ago.

_June 10, 2000: Graduation_

_The sun was shining, beautiful rays hitting the Los Angeles land gently as it awoke from its' nightly slumber over the horizon. Early risers woke before their alarms went off, anxiously turning the sound off before it had a chance to awake itself. "Snoozers" ignored the annoying sirens, some even going as far as to throw them against their bedroom wall in intense irritation. Those who woke up at will grinned as the rays hit their well rested faces, while early (or late shift) workers made their way to (and from) work. _

_But Spencer, who had not fallen asleep, continued to stare at the ceiling, body rigid as she laid unemotionally upon her aging mattress. She knew her alarm would be going off in several minutes, signaling the start of her morning ritual, but she had not the desire nor the will to turn it off. Outside the door, she heard the creaks of the wooden floorboards as her mother, Paula, moved about, customarily going through her morning procedure. The sudden aroma of waffles and bacon flooded her senses, this merely serving as an unfortunate reminder to the blonde that she had not eaten a decent meal in several days, her stomach growling fiercely beneath her flesh. _

_Bzzzz!_

_Without thinking, and perhaps, more out of habit than anything, Spencer felt blindly for her vibrating cell phone. _

"_What?" she muttered lifelessly._

"_Are you okay?" a concerned male voice questioned through the receiver. She immediately rolled her eyes. _

"_Do you need something, Aiden?"_

"_You know she's leavin' in an hour…"_

"_No shit," Spencer responded, already irritated by the course of the conversation._

"_Don't you think you should—"_

"_Did you really call my phone at seven in the morning to ask me something I already know?"_

"_I'm sorry…I just wanted—"_

_What Aiden "just wanted" Spencer never found out as she ended the call angrily, tossing the phone to the side of her. _

_She would graduate today. At approximately 3 o'clock that afternoon, she would sit amongst her fellow classmates as their names would be called to receive her high school diploma. _

_But in a little less than an hour, she also knew that one of her classmates wouldn't be there. The only one whose presence really mattered._

"_Glen! Clay! Spencer! Breakfast is ready!" she heard her father call from downstairs. Spencer listened as her hungry brothers shot downstairs to eat._

_Still, she made no effort to get up, the idea of a meal not really appealing to her. But she knew by the second call her father would be on his way up to her room…_

_Knock! Knock!_

…_and she was right. _

"_Spence?" she hear her dad's soft voice question behind the door. "Can I come in?"_

"_Whatever…" she muttered, wondering if her dad had heard her at all. Whether he had or not, he entered the room anyway._

"_What's wrong?" he asked, brows wrinkled in concern. "It's a big day today, you should be excited."_

"_I am…" she lied, unenthused. _

"_Yeah, because your lack of excitement is just so contagious," he shot in playful sarcasm. _

_Spencer didn't respond, instead raising her left arm to veil her teary eyes. _

"_I'm just not feeling too hot I guess."_

_Silence fell upon the two beings as Arthur moved to sit on the edge of his daughter's bed. _

"_It's about Ashley, isn't it…" It wasn't a statement, nor an accusation. It was just simple fact, simple words that took Spencer completely by surprise. She sat up on her bed, back against the headboard as she studied her father through watery eyes. He knew…everything. Not by words spoken between them or discussions had about the blonde's brunette friend. He knew because he cared that much to pay attention. And Spencer appreciated him that much more._

"_Yeah…"_

"_You're in love with her, aren't you?"_

_As soon as the words left her father's lips, warm tears betrayed her as they trailed her face. She nodded, unable to form words, lips quivering as she tried, unsuccessfully, to hold in her misery. Without words, Arthur gently pulled his daughter into a hug and Spencer immediately wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her head into his shoulder._

_They sat like that for several moments, her father gently stroking her blonde hair in attempt to comfort her. She pulled away after a few minutes, wiping her tears away with the backs of her hands. _

"_She's leaving…" she muttered quietly, voice cracking. _

"_I know…" _

_Spencer chuckled in spite of herself . "How is it you know everything? I just found out from Aiden last night." _

"_I have my connections…" he smiled, slyly. The blonde smiled sadly, shaking her head. "So what are you going to do?" _

_The blonde shrugged her shoulders in defeat. She really didn't know. Ashley didn't even tell her she was leaving so apparently she didn't want Spencer to know. _

"_She doesn't want to see me…I messed it all up, Dad. She probably hates me right now."_

"_If there's one thing Ashley wants, its definitely to see you. And she doesn't hate you." _

_Silence enveloped the two once again as Spencer leaned back against her headboard. _

"_She's everything to me…" the blonde sighed. "I don't know what I'm going to do without her."_

"_When does her plane leave?" Spencer glanced at the alarm clock next to her bed, her heart sinking slightly. _

"_In about thirty minutes."_

"_What are we waiting for then?" Arthur asked, quickly standing up and making his way to the door. "Put your shoes on and meet me outside. I'm going to be in the car."_

"_What? I'm not even dressed!" His daughter said, mimicking her dad's motions. _

"_You're running out of time, honey," he responded, opening the door. _

"_Wait!" she shouted, her dad immediately stopping his movements. "How did you know that I was…that I am—"_

"_That you are in love?" He turned to face her, a smile slowly creeping his features. "Father's know these things."  
_

_***_

_It was five to eight before Arthur pulled into LAX . Her mind was racing, heart beating uncontrollably as she ran through the busy airport. _

"_Ashley!" she called out desperately. "Ashley!" _

_She fought her way through the mass of people, some becoming quite irritated as she crashed into them, causing some to spill their coffee or drop other belongings haphazardly on the floor. _

_Tears streamed her face as hopeless thoughts filled her mind. It was too late…_She_ was too late…_

_A blurred painting of blonde curls, brunette locks, black tresses…none of it was her. She couldn't be late…_

_Ashley must know…_

_She has to know…_

_And finally she spotted her—too far away from where she stood, but her face was easily seen amongst the mass. She was leaving to board the plane…_

"_Ashley!" the blonde cried out, voice cracking. She couldn't hear her…_

_Breathing heavily, stomach clenching from anxiety, she called out to her again. And again._

_But not once did the brunette hear her._

_She was too far…_

_It was too late…_

_Spencer stopped running, allowing her fingers to run through her blonde hair as frustration and an overwhelming amount of grief hit her. Tears were flowing freely, mind still running after her best friend. _

_She was too late…_

"_She didn't think you would come…"_

_Spencer shot around, coming face to face with Aiden. _

"_I'm too…" She put her head down, biting her lip as if it was too painful to say. And it was. Because admitting the truth meant that she had just lost her best friend. "Did she say anything? Before she got on the plane…did she say something."_

_Aiden gazed at her sadly through sympathy filled eyes. After a few seconds of contemplating, he shook his head, the small gesture causing Spencer's heart to burst. _

"_Dammit!" she exclaimed in wounded frustration. "What the hell am I supposed to do without her, huh?" She chuckled bitterly as Aiden looked at her miserably, unsure of what to do. "She's my life…she's the…dammit…she's my everything."_

_She sank to her knees, breathing becoming an issue as she cried. She cried for lost time. For recent mistakes. For everything she never said. And as she remembered her regret, she cried harder. _

"_She's g-gone A-Aiden. She's r-really gone." Aiden lowered himself to the floor, pulling Spencer to his chest and held her in his strong, but gentle arms. His eyes became watery as he watched his friend break._

"_I d-didn't even g-get to say good-bye, Aid. S-she left and I d-didn't say g-good-bye." _

…_and as she said the last few words, he felt his heart tear a little. _

"_I didn't get to tell her I love her."_

Spencer groaned in aggravation at the sudden remembrance. This was not going to happen. Ashley left her. She took the easy way out of the situation and Spencer sure as hell wasn't going to lie in bed every night and think about her former best friend.

No-sir-re Bob! She was engaged to a wonderful man, with a simple, but wonderful life, and she was going to move on with her life as planned. Before French vanilla scents reacquainted itself with Spencer's senses. Before auburn curls and chocolate eyes flooded the veins of her body. Before angry butterflies escaped the cage they were hidden away in for eight years.

Before Ashley decided to waltz back into her life.

She had already finished that chapter in her life. In fact, that _book _was completed years ago…

"Babe," she heard her fiancée whisper against her neck. "Why are you still awake?"

"Oh, I…I'm just thinking 'bout some things."

"Anything you wanna talk about?" he muttered sleepily.

"It's all good, Kev. It's nothing important. Try to go back to sleep." He held her closer, gently kissing her on the back of her neck. She heard him mutter something as his breaths became even once more. A small smile exposed itself to the dark room as she breathed deeply.

Before long, sleep finally overcame her.


	9. Rendezvous

**SOOO....i dont even deserve an excuse...but there is just so much going on with me...and it's kept me indescribably unmotivated...But please read and comment....I really appreciate it...and hopefully I can get the second half of this up by tomorrow night. THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO READ & REVIEWED MY STORY SO FAR!! I appreciate it so much more..... :) **

* * *

**Chapter 9: Rendezvous **

"You're a bitch."

"I know."

"You didn't tell me you were coming back."

"I _know_."

"I should kick your ass for not telling me…"

"Yeah, okay—you can try…"

Silence…

"I've missed you…"

Ashley grinned as she looked at her sister's face, the initial anger that previously displayed on her countenance melting into a small smile.

"Me too, Kyla."

The slightly younger brunette sighed as she stepped to the side, allowing Ashley to enter. It was the same house Kyla purchased after their high school graduation, but, due to her older sister's quick departure, had never been given the chance to show off. It was spacious, especially considering that the younger brunette was living by herself. It was cozy, though—large leather couches sat in the family room surrounding the large plasma television resting on the wall while the earth-tone colored walls gave off a comfortable air.

"I like this," Ashley said conversationally.

"Yeah, it's a nice area to live in. Not too much goes on around here…"

Ashley nodded as she took a seat on a nearby leather recliner. "Comfy…"

"When did you get here, Ash?" Kyla questioned as she seated herself on the arm of the couch.

"Yesterday—I drove which took about a week…I needed some time to myself. You know, time to turn back if I wanted to."

"And you didn't think to tell your sister?" she shot, slightly less accepting of her sister's sudden appearance.

"I figured Aiden would've let you know," Ashley said calmly.

"You have my number, Ashley! We've been in touch!"

"Surprise?" The brunette offered jokingly. However, given the exasperated look on her sister's face, it wasn't working. "No? Hmmm….I forgot you don't like surprises."

In spite of herself, Kyla started to fight back a smile. "I just wish you would've called or something'…" she mumbled.

"I went to see Aiden—don't trip, Ky," Ashley added quickly. "I wanted to talk to him about Spencer."

"Oh…you found out about the wedding?" Kyla relented as if she was holding back from telling her.

"Yeah, I found out a couple of weeks ago—I got an invitation in the mail."

"Really? She sent you—"

"No, Aiden sent it…it's a long story. Basically—I get invite. I come here. Invite not right. I—well, I don't really know what's going to happen now…"

"So you saw Spencer? How'd that go?"

Ashley sighed sadly. "It went as to be expected. We're cool now…I _think_."

"Oh…"

"She's really getting married, Ky?" the older brunette asked before she could stop herself. Her sister nodded, the small gesture causing Ashley to release a breath of air she didn't know she was holding.

"He's a really great guy, Ashley. He treats her well. I think you'd like him."

Ashley snorted loudly, her Kyla's words seeming to pierce her insides. "Fat chance."

Silence settled the two, the only noise heard being the tick-tock of a nearby clock. The younger sibling looked around, strangely nervous in Ashley's opinion, as she picked at the couch.

"What?"

"_What_, what?" Kyla asked in a terrible act of innocence.

"You know, it's a good thing you never made it as an actress, 'cause you're not that good at it."

"Whatever, Ash…" she shot, rolling her eyes. Ashley looked at her expectantly.

"So what's on you're mind?" she asked when Kyla didn't continue.

"Nothing…" Ashley stared at her a few seconds longer. "Oh, alright…" Kyla groaned. "It's just…you're here to win her back, aren't you."

Ashley looked away at the painful question, not wanting to express too much with her eyes. "I'd be lying if I said that wasn't my intentions—"

"Don't do it, Ash," Kyla interrupted quickly. "She's in a really good place now…and it took so long for her to get there after…well, after everything."

"I'm not gonna—I wouldn't do that, Ky." Ashley muttered in defeat. She felt weak, stomach clenching uneasily.

"Ashley…maybe you should just try to get over her."

Ashley's head snapped up, eying Kyla with a sudden pained expression. Get over her? If only it were that easy. Did she not understand that she had tried? Did she not realize that the random hook-ups Ashley used to phone about were all feeble attempts to rid blonde locks and sapphire eyes from her brain. Or maybe she missed the conversations about drunken stupors, glass after glass of jack-and-coke, that was supposed to replace the want flowing through her veins.

"Kyla, it's not that fuckin' simple…" Ashley muttered.

"But it's been—"

"I know how long it's been, _thanks_." the older woman retorted.

"I just don't want you to get your hopes up," Kyla shot, becoming angry at Ashley's misplaced frustration. "And why did you come here? If you wanted hope and praise for wanting to steal someone's fiancée you should've called mom."

Ashley stared at her sister in disbelief, slightly hurt by her words. Suddenly, she shot off the couch and walked quickly towards the door. She didn't get too far before Kyla caught her left arm, stopping Ashley in her tracks.

"Look…I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Without responding, Ashley pulled away and walked out the door.

***

The bakery appeared slightly different in the afternoon, especially with the small mass of customers in the quaint building. The smell was also slightly stronger as freshly made baked goods sat on the shelves.

It wasn't difficult to spot Spencer behind the counter of the deli, her golden-blonde hair amongst the mass of brunette and black manes making matters easier. Before long, and perhaps even to Ashley's own surprise, she was in front of the counter, the blonde's back to her as she sorted out something on a nearby shelf.

"I'll be with you in a moment," the busy worker said apologetically.

"Spence, it's me…"

Spencer's head shot around quickly, a poorly hidden look of surprise clouding her face.

"Why are you here?" She asked, exasperation clear in her voice. It hit Ashley like a brick in the face—had they not called a truce yesterday?

"I want to meet him."

"What are you talking 'bout—"

"Kevin," Ashley interrupted. "I want to meet him." Spencer stared at her as if seeing her for the first time.

"No."

"_No_?" The brunette echoed, confused. "Why not?"

She could think of plenty of reasons why not, but as soon as Ashley's question left her lips, she couldn't voice a single one.

"It's just not a good idea," Spencer responded lamely. Ashley laughed.

"Look, Spence…" the brunette sighed, "I'm not trying to…I just wanna meet him, okay? _Please?_"

Spencer tried not to stare too long into Ashley's chocolate colored eyes and she tried even harder not to notice Ashley biting her lower lip, a nervous habit that Spencer wished she hadn't just remembered.

"Okay…" the blonde mumbled, "you can meet him." Ashley grinned, her insides celebrating a fierce victory. "Actually, we have dinner tonight at my mom's…around six-thirty. Nothing special, you can bring someone…if you want."

Ashley's smile quickly left as she gazed at Spencer's calm countenance. She noticed a slight raise in the blonde's eyebrow, as if she was bracing herself for the answer. Before answering, Ashley made sure she had complete eye contact with Spencer, giving her every feeling she had.

"There's no one, Spence. There hasn't been for a long time."

Spencer nodded, looking away, the muscle in her chest unclenching slightly. "So, can you make it tonight?"

"Yeah, is it the same house from—"

"Yep," Spencer said quickly. "Same one."

Ashley studied her, the blonde's sudden uncomfortable nature becoming obvious.

"Alright then, Spencer. I'll be there tonight."


	10. Reconciliation

**Ugh....so much for "tomorrow night." I apologize...still trying to deal with everything. Sincere apologies. Thanks and love to all those who commented. I love the honesty. I crave it, actually.**

**Thank you for be impatiently patient with me and this story...hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**  
Read and review please!!! I really do appreciate it. **

**Disclaimer: I own nada.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Reconciliation**

"_Alright then, Spencer. I'll be there tonight."_

__

Spencer hung up the telephone before she leaned back on the couch, a broad smile on her face. It had been two months since the dance. Two tortuously sweet months since her best friend's body held her own so gently, so intimately as the two moved in a slow, complex tango of hitched breathing and rapid heartbeats. The teen recalled each interchange, each breathless whisper. By heart, she knew every word of the brunette's honest confession of love. Truthful words exhaled into the air by her best friend as if they were read directly from the confined passages of her own heart. It was that moment, more than any other, that confirmed Spencer's hidden emotions.

__

It was that moment, more than any other, that Spencer knew she was in love with Ashley. 

__

And it felt so perfect.

"_Was that Ashley?" her mother asked suddenly, causing her daughter to jump. _

"_Geez, Mom!" she said, her heart beating fast. "You scared me…" _

"_So, that was Ashley?" _

"_Yeah, she's coming over here tonight."_

"_Didn't she sleepover last night?" Paula asked, a slight tone of disapproval lacing her words. A tone that Spencer did not seem to miss. _

"_Yeeeaaah," Spencer answered slowly, "but it's Saturday. Ashley always spends the weekends with us." _

"_Well, I think it may be better if she spent time with her family."_

__

Spencer stood up, confusion masking her countenance. Her mother was acting strange—she never had a problem with Ashley, and before now, she never saw any signs of her mother's displeasure with her best friend. 

"_We _are _her family, Mom…why are you acting like this?"_

"_Like what?" The older blonde stalled. _

"_This," Spencer spat, gesturing between the two. "You're acting like Ashley's a problem all of a sudden."_

"_I didn't say that…" _

"_You didn't have to, Mom. What's going on? For real…you've never had a problem with Ashley staying here before." _

__

Paula hesitated as if contemplating the right words to say. "I just think that girl is spending too much time with you…Michael was such a nice guy. I don't see him much anymore."

"_We broke up," Spencer said angrily, "and what do you mean, 'that girl'? Where is this coming from? I thought Ashley was like a daughter to you?"_

"_She is, Spence. I just think—"_

"_Stop beating around the bush, Mom, and just say what the hell you got to say!"_

"_Lower your tone, Spencer Marie! And stop cussing!" _

"_Then tell me what's wrong?" Spencer shot angrily._

"_She's changed, Spencer," Paula answered reluctantly._

__

Spencer's chest constricted in a quiet panic. "Changed…how?" 

"_She's…she's a lesbian…isn't she."_

__

Her daughter remained silent, refusing to admit the truth, but at the same time, refusing to lie. 

__

Yet, it's ironic how silence can be so betraying, each second voicing unwanted words. Truthful words that seemed to surpass her unmoving lips, her disbelieving frown. 

__

How ironic is the silence that speaks quite unnecessarily, confessing truths already discovered. Truths that seem to have already plagued the conservative ideals of her Catholic mother.

"_Are you?" Her mother asked quietly. _

__

And just like that, silent truths become accusations, answers generated through the piercing stare of older, disappointed eyes.

__

Sweet realizations become nothing but sinful desires. Unwavering love, trashed in the most brutal of ways, the most painful. 

__

Spencer could take the opportunity, grab it selfishly and scream her deep-rooted feelings of passion. Spencer could seize the sudden opportunity in the most self-centered manner, if only to lift the harsh burden of love from her shoulders. Spencer could…but Spencer could never be selfish.

__

So, Spencer could do nothing but look away, not caring to see her mother's accusing eyes and knowing frown. 

__

***

Ding. Dong.

Ashley glanced around as she waited on the steps of the Carlin residence, heart racing as she tried to display a calm demeanor. It was just Spencer. It was just Spencer and her fiancée.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

The door slowly opened in front of her, revealing a tall, pale-faced man. His gray hair was parted down the middle and combed to the sides while his wardrobe consisted of beige cargo pants and a fitting white t-shirt.

This was definitely not Arthur Carlin.

"Oh," Ashley spoke, slightly embarrassed, "I think I got the wrong house."

"Are you looking for Spencer?" He asked politely. Ashley slowly nodded in confusion. "Then you got the right place. I'm David." The man named David held out his hand and Ashley greeted it, shaking it lightly.

"I'm Ashley."

"Well, Ashley, " he smiled, releasing her hand, "come on in. Dinner's about ready."

The confused woman stepped into the house, allowing the screen door to close behind her. The interior was much different than she remembered. The previously cream colored walls were darkened to a light caramel and pictures along the walls were much different—David seemed to replace the images of Arthur Carlin in all of the frames.

Ashley walked through the hallway, looking over each of the foreign pictures. Her stomach clenched uncomfortably, hands sweating uncontrollably, and her heart raced anxiously. It's _just_ Spencer. Spencer, whom she no longer knew. Spencer whom she hadn't contacted in eight years.

Spencer who was standing so beautifully confident over the stove, stirring away at the contents inside a large pot.

Ashley smiled to herself as she remained unnoticed at the doorway. She watched as the blonde blew a piece of hair out of her eyes, eyes slightly narrowed in concentration. She wasn't dressed too formally, Ashley noticed—only a white cami and shorts. Very, _very _short shorts. The brunette's eyes slowly traveled lower, admiring smooth tan legs and strong calves. The recent apprehension she felt was immediately washed away by a rush of heat to her insides.

Maybe this _was_ a bad idea.

"I see you still like to cook," Ashley voiced, more to break her own thoughts than anything. Spencer shot her head up quickly, her azure eyes immediately giving away a look of surprise.

"Geez, Ashley…" Spencer mumbled, shaking her head. "Your going to have to start wearing bell's around your neck so I know it's you."

Ashley smirked, walking into the kitchen. "Scared ya', huh?"

"No…" Spencer looked at her, betraying her attempt at a lie through the small smile playing on her lips. "Not at all."

The brunette chuckled. "Yea, okay…"

A comfortable silence fell amongst the two. Ashley leaned against the counter and sighed as a frown appeared on her features.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked from beside her.

"Are we…okay?" Ashley asked softly.

Sighing, Spencer set aside the wooden utensil before leaning her back against the edge of the counter. She cocked her head curiously while simultaneously folding her arms against her chest.

"Why are you asking me this?" the blonde woman questioned simply.

Ashley only looked back, confused. "Umm…what do you mean?"

"What do you want from me, Ash?"

"What are you—"

"Why did you come back here?" Spencer interrupted, a soft sadness apparent in her voice. "Like, why now?"

Ashley hesitated, not wanting to disclose her selfish intentions. "I wanted to come to the wedding."

"Bullshit," Spencer shot back in sudden irritation. "The wedding is in five—"

"I wanted to see you, Spence. I just…I missed you." Ashley helplessly muttered.

Spencer's face softened once more and she nodded. She repositioned herself to the front of the stove, wordlessly stirring the contents once more. Beside her, Ashley stood in waiting, bracing herself for a hurtful response, or rather, any response.

Abruptly, Spencer looked up, locking eyes with Ashley. The sudden closeness was suddenly apparent to both parties as their breaths mingled, noses  
only inches apart. Spencer was taken aback by the intensity behind Ashley's eyes…the pain…the sadness…the truth.

"I missed you, too, Ashley," the blonde voiced softly, holding the gaze a moment longer before turning to the bubbling food.

Ashley fought to suppress a smile, heart beating fast as she leaned against the counter. Yet, Ashley was unaware of Spencer's flushed cheeks, her racing thoughts—a sudden reminisce of an angry lit sky and drumming thunder.

"_It's too real for me, Spence," Ashley finally said, raspy voice wavering through her confession. "I can't tell you I love you, because it's too real."_

Of a heartfelt confession…

"_I want you so bad. God, do I want you. And when I look into your eyes, I always have this urge to just kiss you. And I'm scared that one day I won't be able to overcome that feeling. " _

Of soft, rain washed lips…

__

For seconds, seconds that seemed to tick away like hours, they kissed. Passion, want, desire, all mixed in with bruised lips, heavy breathing, and moans. Heat contrasted with the cold wetness of their clothes, and for moments more, they were lost in each other.

Of a kiss…

Spencer shook her head, trying to rid her mind of the trespassing memory. However, it failed to cease the haste beating of the betraying muscle  
beneath her flesh and the sudden heat shot to her core.

"Spence…are you okay?" A concerned voice questioned beside her.

"What? Yeah, I'm…fine. Here," she said quickly, changing the subject, "try this." Spencer grabbed a small, silver spoon from beside her, carefully scooped up some of the bubbling, red sauce, and held it up to Ashley's lips. "Be careful, though. It's hot."

Ashley leaned in, unbearably slow—or perhaps that was a brief trick of the mind.

Because Spencer could swear that they were in slow motion. That Ashley's eyes blinked in the slowest way possible, drawing Spencer's azure gaze ever so magnetically into a complex fusion of golds and browns.

She could swear that it took hours for the brunette's lips to finally meet the wooden utensil—it had to be hours, because how else could blue eyes take in every detail of the perfectly formed face before her. The flawlessly curved eyebrows; the light, unnecessary appliance of make-up; the delicate, feminine chisel of her nose; the healthy, plump pink of her lips.

It had to be slow motion. How else could she describe the way Ashley's lips slowly, but firmly embraced the spoon, leisurely drawing the warm, savory liquid into her mouth. In what other way could she describe the brunette's casual appearance of her tender, pink tongue as it circled around perfect lips in a deliciously, unrushed manner; sure to remove any remnants of the sauce from her mouth.

And there was absolutely no other way Spencer could describe the molasses-like travel of arousal that journeyed from her veins to her core, producing an intolerable amount of wetness between her trembling thighs.

There was absolutely no way to cease the feelings that never vanquished. Feelings formerly buried within the loneliest depths of her betraying heart. Feelings bit by bit released, a bittersweet trespassing of long-forgotten memories.

__

***

"_Are you?" She asked again._

__

Spencer sighed sadly at her mother's persistence. Why must she ask questions to which she undoubtedly knows the answers to? Why must her mother emit so much shame and disappointment from her eyes, rendering her daughter's thoughts blank of all possible response? Why must her mother be committed to the Catholic word as if it were a husband, intertwined by the everlasting vow—to cherish and to hold; until death, do they part? 

__

And why must Spencer care so much?

__

Spencer shook her head, as if the small gesture would erase some of the impending guilt sure to wash over her soon-to-be-spoken words. 

"_No, Mom. I'm not gay." It surprised the blonde how steady her voice sounded, contradicting her lower, trembling lip, as the words escaped. More weight seemed to make its bed upon her shoulders, a harsh reminder of her unwavering burden of deception._

__

She looked up, a heavy lump catching in her throat. She could almost hear the smile tap dancing a victory upon her mother's lips. Perhaps the older Carlin was more naïve than Spencer figured, because there was no way that the small tangle of words held any truth behind them. There was no way Paula Carlin could be simply fooled by her daughter's anxious hesitancy, that Paula failed to hear Spencer's eyes scream the factual words her lips failed to voice.

__

But, then again, it is said that, "Ignorance is bliss." 

__

Yet, if that is so, then why was Spencer unable to endure the sudden wash of shame as she watched her mother's face morph into one of satisfied relief? If that is so, then why did Spencer's heart feel so entirely deflated, as if her mother's sharp accusation depressed her daughter's most vital form of air?

__

If that is so, then why was Spencer's blissful state so easily destroyed by ignorance?

__

*** 

"It's unbelievable, Spencer."

Spencer blinked slowly as all of her coherent thought feebly attempted to catch up with her mouth. "Uh…what?"

Ashley giggled softly, her eyebrow rising slightly in amusement. "The sauce…it's unbelievable."

The blonde's coherent thought process returned at the sound of Ashley's small giggle, causing her to blush profusely. It was too much, too fast. Feelings could not possibly come back so suddenly, so quickly. It had to be impossible. Eight years of pushing it all away, of finally moving on. It could not possibly be undone in two days.

"Still can't take compliments, I see." Ashley smiled.

Spencer shook her head, backing away slightly as her heart raced. "Don't."

The smile immediately left the brunette's lips in obvious confusion. "Don't what?"

"Ashley, you can't be here." The blonde said sadly, avoiding eye contact. "You—I…you can't."

"Spencer, you said it was okay. You said _we_ were okay."

"We are, alright? I just need you to—"

"Spencer, what's wrong?" Ashley asked, concerned.

Spencer sighed deeply, allowing her eyelids to embrace tightly. "This is all just—"

The blonde felt her unexpected presence. Ashley Davies, so unbearably close. Ashley Davies, so ridiculously torturous in front of her wired body. She kept her eyes closed as the sudden intruder of her space breathed so gently on her lips, a painful revelation of how close to her she really was.

"Tell me you don't want me here and I'll leave," Ashley breathed against Spencer's ear. The blonde's neck hairs stood rigid, her heart beat raced dangerously. This could not be real. Spencer could not possibly feel so much this damn quick.

"I did, Ashley," the blonde croaked.

"No." Ashley said in quick, quiet firmness. Gentle fingers traced a burning trail down her jaw line, causing Spencer's breath to expel in a rapid, longing fashion. "Open your eyes and tell me you don't want me here. Tell me that you truly do not want me in LA, and I'm out of your life."

Spencer's eyes fluttered open, surprising Ashley with its dark, fierce blaze. Everything was going much too fast and the harder the blonde tried to fight it, the more it backfired.

Something changed within the last two days. Passion, lust, love…It couldn't be brought back so suddenly. It had to be impossible. In only two days, eight years of buried feelings unmasked. In two days, she relapsed on the very drug that killed her, ever so sweetly, so long ago.

"God, Ash…"

"Spence, David wants to—oh, hey. You must be Ashley."

And in a matter of ten seconds, all of it was destroyed by reality.


	11. Lying to Live

**Sorry about the delay. My life is really...crazy at the moment so I apologize. Hope you enjoy it!! I will have a FOF...eventually. Thank you all for reading, especially those who review. I appreciate it more than you all realize. Thank you...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the storyline and the characters I provided to fit in with said storyline. :)  
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* * *

  
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**Chapter 11: Lying to Live **

"_Spence, David wants to—oh, hey. You must be Ashley."_

The blonde's head snapped towards the entrance, the sudden intrusion of a deep voice effectively scaring her half to death. Her heartbeat quickened by the unexpected interruption, nerves increasing tenfold as she allowed the wooden spoon to crash to the floor. Simultaneously, Ashley's head shot towards the entrance as her focus immediately fell upon an unfamiliar figure.

The man was about Aiden's height, if not slightly shorter, with a strong build. He had a clean, casual air about him, his baggy, but fitting jeans were belted around the waist, while a slack, black t-shirt masked his torso. He seemed, more or less, Spencer's type, in the brunette's opinion, especially the handsome facial features. Clean-shaven and strong-jawed, tousled, brunette hair—definitely Spencer-type.

"Didn't mean to scare you, babe." The man chuckled heartily, making his way over toward his fiancée. "David just wants to know when dinner's gonna be ready."

"Few minutes," Spencer said, bending over to pick up the previously dropped spoon, effectively hiding her fierce blush.

Whether he was completely unaware of the heavy, lingering tension or decided to think nothing of it, none of it seemed to affect him, whatsoever. Instead, he held out a warm, welcome hand for Ashley, smiling widely at the smaller woman. She took it, greeting him in melancholy reluctance, as a pang of jealousy hit her.

"So you're Kevin, then?" She asked, voice surprisingly strong, lips upturned in a painted smile.

"Yup. I've heard a lot about you, Ashley."

The young woman's eyebrow lifted in surprised curiosity as she caught a hint of blush crawling up Spencer's cheeks. She avoided the brunette's gaze and Ashley couldn't help but wonder why. But as she looked back into hazel-green eyes, she couldn't help but remember another moment, another once-upon-a-time.

"Nice to meet you, Kevin."

_***_

_She could have left a long time ago. The opportunity was there, knocking, waiting for her to kick open the door and take it. Grasp it. She could have—every nerve in her body was screaming for her to do it. _

_Every thought racing in her mind was against her staying. Every jealous beating of her heart served as a reminder of her unfathomable allergy to any outsider's intimate relations with Spencer Carlin._

_She could have left at anytime, really. At least that was what she kept telling herself. _

_But Spencer knew the brunette's kryptonite well. Pouted lips, tilted glances—God, she knew it so well. _

_Too well, Ashley often thought. _

_So there she stood inside the Carlin's residence, lower back rested against the counter, anxious jealousy coursing through her body, as she met Mike for the first time. _

"_Nice to meet you, Mike." _

_He grinned, oblivious to the faux sincerity behind Ashley's words, as the handshake ended. He was nice, Ashley immediately thought, and a perfect gentleman. She wanted to let go of the immediate hate, its unjustifiable strength hitting her like a brick in the face. _

_She didn't understand the inexplicable feeling of her tugging heart. She couldn't decipher the exotic code of "more than just…," the constant teetering of the line as she struggled between lovers and friends. _

_But, Ashley knew she crossed it. There was no exact time. No specific place. But it happened. She fell over it, tired of trying to stay on one foot hopping along as if she could put on the act forever. She couldn't pretend to do that anymore than she could deny Spencer's every wish. _

"_You too, Ashley."_

_***_

"You too, Ashley."

Ashley looked away, taken back by his sincerity. It wasn't unexpected, but it made the situation much more difficult. He wasn't supposed to be likeable. She prayed that he wouldn't be.

But the brunette also remembered that Spencer had never dated anyone less than suitable for her. She knew how to pick 'em, so to speak. Guys complied to her every desire, no questions asked. Spencer made no effort, never a diva snapping her fingers and making orders.

Nonetheless, it was as if she had some mystifying attraction, magnetic and alluring. And Ashley was remembering the hard way, how difficult it was to escape her.

"Well, I'll go set the table," Kevin said, interrupting the brunette's thoughts.

Spencer caught Ashley's look. The one of pain, feebly covered up by nonchalance. She couldn't help remembering the same look from another time…

…another place.

***

"_Mike's calling again."_

"_Just leave it, Ash."_

_The two were laying upon Ashley's bed, a few days after the Valentine's Day dance, relaxed in the comfort of one another's company. Not much had been said during their laid back morning, but they enjoyed the company nonetheless. _

"_May I ask, why, Spence?" The brunette tried her best to sound nonchalant, but it was proving to be difficult. Her friend's voice was laced with indifference, a slight bitterness intertwined with every letter._

_Spencer flipped another page of the magazine, only half-interested as she skimmed the pages. "I don't wanna talk to him, so just drop it." _

_Definitely bitter. _

_Ashley sat up on her bed, a friendly concern stealing her previous relaxed nature, as she gazed at the back of Spencer's head. Immediately, she recognized the tense form of her friend's body. The way she lay so stiffly on her stomach, nerves on edge beneath the brunette's gaze. _

_Had it been anyone else, Spencer knew that her dismissive words would have never enticed such intrigue, that nonchalant sentences would have not been thought of twice. _

_But Ashley was not "anyone else." Not in the slightest. _

"_Please don't ask me what's wrong, Ashley." The brunette couldn't help but smile at the plea, not at all surprised that Spencer knew what she was just about to voice. _

"_I wasn't," she lied feebly, making her way to the blonde at the edge of the bed. _

_Ashley stopped beside her, the weight from her kneeling body on the mattress causing her friend to roll over slightly. The kneeling girl swiftly tossed away the magazine the blonde was flipping through, simultaneously turning Spencer to face her fully. Confused disappointment filled Ashley when blue eyes avoided her own. Never had her friend blatantly tried to hide how she felt, and it hurt. _

_Spencer sighed softly, an immediate sign of self-defeat She could never bring herself to wear masks around her best friend, despite her feeble efforts. _

"_He wants to be with me, again," the blonde breathed in a troubled whisper. Eyes still cast away from the gold-specked brown eyes above her, she placed her right arm on her forehead, allowing her eyelids to close. _

_The brunette's stomach clenched, jealousy burning her insides at the concept. "Oh…well, he's a nice guy."_

_Ashley watched as her friend's stomach trembled with mocking laughter. "Don't do that, Ash. Don't act like you approve of him."_

"_What are you talking about? I said he was nice!" The brunette fired back, offended._

_Spencer shot up, steely gaze connecting directly with the brunette's concerned eyes. _

"_You don't like him, so don't act like you do." _

"_Are you going back out with him? Is that it Spencer?"_

"_Wha—no! You know I would've told you." _

"_You didn't even tell me you two broke up!"_

"_It…slipped my mind." The blonde mumbled, looking away._

"_For two weeks, Spence?!"_

"_It wasn't important."_

"_It isn't—_you_ are important. So beautifully important."_

_Ashley slowly traced down Spencer's jaw line, the last few words escaping her own mouth in a heavy softness. An abandoned piece of hair was placed behind its owner's right ear before gentle fingers made its way to a soft, feminine chin, turning it slightly for a full portrait view. _

"_I can't help but worry, Spence. Please, just tell me what's wrong." _

_I asked you not to—"_

"_Please, Spence…"_

_Spencer couldn't deny the desperate request if she tried. The barely there whisper of a raspy voice, strikingly concerned. "We broke up because of you."_

_Ashley rearranged herself slightly, moving her legs from beneath her and crossing them, Indian style. Her hands moved from the spot on Spencer's face to playing with one another, almost nervously, as she waited for her friend to continue. _

"_He, uh…we were making out and things got a little—"_

"_I understand, Spence." _

_Spencer shot up quickly, immediately connecting her gaze with Ashley's. "Oh no, Ash. Nothing happened. I mean—never, has anything happened. With anyone."_

_A strange, satisfied curiosity washed over Ashley as she listened to Spencer's confession. "Why?"_

_A barely-there blush crept up her friend's cheeks. "I just…it never seemed right. Like something was missing." _

"_I know what you mean."_

"_Really?"_

"_Well, yeah. Every time I'm with a girl I feel like, I don't know—like it can be better… way, way better somehow." _

"_I thought you said you were in love once? That wasn't, like, the most mind blowing sex you've ever had?" Spencer's eyebrow lifted, playfully curious._

_It was Ashley's turn to look away, her blush slightly more intense than her friend's . "I am, I mean—I was. Well, I'm not…it never—"_

_Ashley was caught off guard as a gentle body tackled her to the mattress, effectively ceasing her rare stuttering. It also delayed Ashley's breathing, sending her lungs into an aroused frenzy, nerves causing a sudden rise in temperature from her previously calm body. _

"_It was a joke, Stutterface. Chill." _

_It was that very thing— the inexplicable feeling of electricity shooting through her body from the slightest of touches; the impossibly suppressed moan fighting to escape the confines of her throat; the way Spencer looked at her like she was the most precious object, the most priceless; and the way her look alone sent her body into a heated frenzy, making her wetter than she ever thought possible. _

_It was that very thing that made her know, without a doubt, that sex could be so much better…_

"_So what happened?" Ashley questioned, trying to get her mind off of any sort of sex-capade with the blonde above her._

"_What?" Spencer said breathless, eyes slowly making its way up her friend's face. _

_But Ashley saw it, the lingering of Spencer's stare on her lips. The way the blonde's perfect tongue quickly licked gorgeous lips, subconsciously. _

"_You and Mike…what happened?" _

_Spencer looked away, a feeble attempt of hiding her embarrassment. Ashley thought it was from being caught lingering too long. She didn't, however, see the images playing inside her head._

---

_She believed she was into it, that it was Mike's kisses making her moan in such a desiring manner. That is was Mike's touches making her body hotter than she ever thought possible. She had to believe it. _

_Because if she were to be honest with herself for even a second, the dream she had the night before had a greater influence than she would like to admit. Intimate touches, unfathomably sensual kisses, bodies moving in sync with one another. The tugging of hair; painfully sweet biting of feminine lips; uncontrollable, ear-splitting, pleasurable moans. _

_Hands touching everywhere, impossibly._

_Lips kissing everywhere, wonderfully._

_And Ashley, fingers filling her, making her explode with passion, relentlessly._

---

"_It was about to happen…we had never taken it that far," Spencer spoke softly, bringing her fingers to play with a loose strand of Ashley's hair._

---

_Mike's fingers trailed the right side of Spencer's body, coming to a stop at the hem of her shirt. She leaned into the kiss, pushing him further into the bed, as his thumbs kneaded circles into her stomach. The image of a feminine tongue flashed Spencer's mind as Mike's dueled with her own, the thought eliciting a moan from deep within. _

_Mike smiled into the kiss, excitement coursing through his veins. Spencer had never been so wanting, so aroused. _

_Confidence peaking, Mike flipped them over, leaning into the blonde as gently as he could. Tongues tangoed, the kiss only breaking when Mike swiftly removed the shirt from the girl below him._

---

"_What stopped you?" Ashley breathed, trying desperately to control her erratic breathing. Spencer on top of her, touching her innocently, breaths mingling sweetly…_

---

_Immediately, rough hands were filled with perfect breasts. Her back arched from the touch, wanting more. He reached beneath her, releasing the hooks of the bra before he threw it across the room._

_Another image, this time of her best friend's warm, wet lips meeting Spencer's hard nipples crept into the blonde's thoughts, producing a sensual scream from her lips._

"_Damn, Spence…" Mike groaned at the sound, hips grinding into her throbbing core as he kissed her passionately. _

_She didn't know when her jeans were pulled off and thrown about haphazardly, leaving her in nothing but a blue, lace-trimmed thong. She was sure she didn't remember Mike removing his shirt, exposing his chiseled torso. And she certainly didn't hear the nearly silent sound of Mike unzipping his jeans. _

_But she did hear his words, the truthful admission said straight into her mouth._

---

_Spencer closed her eyes as she recalled his statement, an unrequited truth. "He said it…"_

---

"_God, I love you so much Spencer."_

--

_Ashley's heart clenched, stomach twisting in knots. "Did you say it back, Spence?"_

---

_Spencer pulled away from the kiss, from his mouth, his words. She didn't expect reality to hit so hard. She didn't expect to feel so guilty about it. _

"_You what?" Spencer asked, trying to catch her breath. _

"_I love you," he said with a shy smile. "I'm in love with you, Spencer."_

---

_Blue eyes traveled side-by-side gentle fingers, almost distractedly. She cupped her friend's left cheek, lightly placing her forehead upon Ashley's. Both sets of eyelids fluttered before remaining closed._

---

_He waited for the return, sure that Spencer felt the same way. He didn't however, expect her to push him off of her, quickly bringing the disheveled sheets to her bare chest. She hastily made her way around the room, locating her discarded clothes and dressing before Mike could even figure out what was going on._

---

"_No…" The blonde breathed._

---

"_What's wrong, baby?" Mike questioned, eyebrows knitted. _

"_Why did you say it, Mike?" Spencer asked, nearly in tears._

"_Spence, I—I meant it! I love you! I can't lie about something like that—"_

"_I have to go…I can't stay here," Spencer interrupted, searching for her cell phone. _

_Her fingers automatically pressed familiar digits, ready to press the call button as she shot out of her boyfriend's bedroom and made her way down the stairs. Mike followed, hurt and confused…_

---

"_He's not the person I'm in love with…"_

---

"_You're calling her, huh?" Mike accused, pain evident behind his words. _

_Spencer's body turned abruptly, anger etched on her face. "Don't you dare bring her into this, Mike!"_

"_You are, aren't you," he challenged, bitterly. "You called her. You always call her."_

"_She's my best friend!" _

"_Spence, I see the way you look at her. The way you finish each other's sentences and-and hold hands—you talk about her all the time. It's always, 'Ashley this!' or 'Ashley that!'—"_

"_She. Is. My. Best. Friend! Every time we argue, you bring her up—jealous much?"_

"_It's not about me being jealous, Spencer," he spat, frustrated. "You are so much more than just friends with her and you know it." _

"_With Ashley?" the blonde shrieked, unbelieving. "We're friends! She's been my best friend since I was five—"_

_Mike snorted harshly, shaking his head. "Be honest with yourself for once, Spencer—you can't even tell me you love me. It's been almost eight months, and you still can't tell me."_

"_Is that what this is about?" the blonde laughed, incredulously. "Because I'm not ready to say it back?"_

"_Spence, it's not about any of that!" he spoke vehemently. "Do you have any feelings for me at all? Am I just a game to you?"_

"_What the—no, Mike! I don't just play with people's feelings. I'm not that type of person."_

"_Well then what is this? What are we?" _

"_We," Spencer emphasized, stepping closer to Mike, "are boyfriend and girlfriend. You are someone I care so much about. I do love you, but I'm not in love with you and I won't apologize for that." _

"_I respect that, Spence. But explain this—why are you running from me? If we are what you say we are, then why are you disappointed when I tell you I lo—"_

"_Don't…" the blonde said weakly. _

_Mike chuckled in bitter disbelief. "You won't even let me say it." _

_Silence overtook the two of them, uncomfortable and lingering. Spencer couldn't deny it, his truthful words. But the words seemed feeble on his lips, lips that weren't hers…_

_Lips that weren't Ashley's._

_Spencer dialed a number into her phone, ignoring Mike's scoff as she listened to the voice on the other end. "Glen, can you come get me?" She spoke softly into the phone. "No…nothing's wrong…yeah, I'm at Mike's…thanks."_

_She ended the call, wordlessly turning towards the door. _

"_That's it, Spence? You're just gonna leave?" _

_The blonde hesitated, the defeated words echoing in her head. _

"_We can talk about it tomorrow. I'm just…right now, I'm just tired."_

"_No," Mike said slowly, "I don't think there is a tomorrow for us."_

_Spencer turned, immediately understanding. Maybe it was relief. Perhaps it was indifference. It may have been confusion. Whatever it was, all she could do was nod in response, words failing to come._

"_Can you do something for me, though, Spencer?" the boy questioned, hopeful. She nodded, knowing he deserved one last request. _

"_I want you to answer something, honestly." _

"_What is it?"_

---

_Ashley hesitated before asking. She was scared, afraid of the truth. Afraid of going face-to-face with her denial. _

_But she wanted to know. Needed to know. _

"_If it's not him, then…who is it, Spence?"_

---

"_You are in love with her, right? It's always been her."_

_Surprisingly, a sad smile played on her lips as she shook her head. "I honestly don't know what it is with her, Mike. I care a lot about you…like, you have this piece of me. You're in my heart. But Ash…Ashley _is _my heart. And it doesn't matter what the hell I do, who I'm with…" Spencer sighed deeply, pondering the best way to articulate her sheltered feelings._

---

_The blonde's breath mingled sweetly with Ashley's, lips just inches above her friend's. The intimacy was overwhelming, bringing them to a place where both were too afraid to go._

"_It's…"_

---

"_I don't know if it's love, Mike. I really don't. But I do know that whatever it is, it's strong. I've tried to ignore it, to push it aside…but I can't let it go." _

_Mike nodded as he looked away from her, his deepest suspicions confirmed. _

"_Wh-what were we? Did you feel anything Spencer? Was I just some lame ass distraction from—"_

"_God, Mike, no," the blonde started, quickly walking over to Mike. She cupped his face with both hands as she gently lead his face back towards her own. He had to see the truth. "I care about you so much. Much more than you realize. I told you, I don't know what this is with me and Ash, but, God no__—_I would never do this to you intentionally. Never."

_He placed a kiss on her forehead, gentle and loving. She closed her eyes, the intensity behind the blues intensifying with the glistening of unshed tears. There was no doubting the genuine care both felt, the unmistakable feeling of love. _

_But there was a difference between a familial love and one of a lover's. There was a painful difference, and it was that very moment that generated the unfortunate feeling of understanding the difference. _

"_I do love you, Spencer Carlin."_

_She couldn't stop the tears if she wanted to. The pain behind his words. The honesty behind the pain. It was too much. God, was it too much._

_She turned around, immediately feeling him pull away. The mystifying sense one could only understand when feeling the utmost care of another. _

_She felt it, internally. The pull of her chest, the slow removal of the small piece of her heart she gave away. _

_She felt him trying to take it back. She heard his feet stutter backwards, sensed his fingers tugging the invisible rope tying the two together. Unknotting the two strings, letting go._

_She felt him release her completely, the pull, the tugging. _

_Spencer turned around, tears flowing silently. He was gone._

_Gone…_

…_and she couldn't help but feel a bit empty._

---

"_It's…" Spencer hesitated again. _

_Spencer could have told her then. Could have confessed all she felt. The fairytale love, the cliché of "Falling for your best friend." She could have, because if she would have been honest with herself, she would have realized that Ashley felt the same. _

_Fear doesn't excuse her actions. The trepidation one feels when a person isn't everything she should be. When she falls far below the expectations of her loved ones. _

_When she just can't, because she believes she shouldn't. _

_Fear doesn't justify the fact that lies are lived. That lies are a part of life. Of her life. Fear doesn't make it okay to be someone other than true. _

_Spencer, her mother, her family built upon the heavy bricks of strict Catholic nurture. _

_The only thing that can excuse her is the reality of a human being. So perfectly flawed, living by the good and bad consequences of every second-by-second decision. Every truth. Every lie. _

_We all live lies. Not to hurt another, but to live. _

_We lie to live. _

"…_no one. I'm not in love with anyone."_

_Spencer lied to live…_

_ …but she couldn't help but feel a bit empty._

_***_

"Spencer, where'd you go?"

Ashley's head was tilted curiously, eyebrows raised in amusement.

"What? Nothing," Spencer recovered shaking her head quickly.

"No, Spence," Ashley said, walking up to her. "What's wrong?"

Eyes connected as the distance between the two decreased. For a second, Spencer stood, exposed. Her heart was open, truths were wordlessly spoken…

For only a second, Ashley saw it all. The desire, the honesty, the pain.

For only a second, Spencer was unguarded, giving Ashley all of the truth she needed.

But the next second, she was shielded behind lies. Lies that weren't lies until Ashley Davies waltzed back into her life.

"Spencer I—"

"Dinner's ready," Spencer cut in, turning away from Ashley.

Ashley fought away the hurt, opting to conceal it behind an indifferent façade.

Shielded behind lies. No longer lying to live.

Lying to forget.

But both couldn't help but feel a bit empty.

* * *

**Author's Note: **The progression of the story is somewhat slow. However, I feel as if it crucial. The next scene is the dinner table scene. David's character will be made less opaque, and a few more flashbacks will be provided to understand Kevin's role. Thanks for your patience. If something is not clear, feel free to ask questions. Thanks!

**-Cassy 3**


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